


twitter cryptids

by doctormissy



Series: twitterverse [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Aziraphale is a Little Shit (Good Omens), Cameos, Crowley Has a Pet Snake (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), Gay Panic, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Humor, Memes, Other, POV Outsider, Pining, Post-Canon, Queer Guardian Angel Aziraphale (Good Omens), Queer Guardian Demon Crowley (Good Omens), Social Media, Twitter, and people notice, crowley rants about aziraphale on twitter, he's lucky aziraphale doesn't know what social media is, he's not even subtle about being Not Human, i can't belive that's a tag anyway we love her, ish, no knowledge of lucifer (tv) needed, or does he???, slight crossover with lucifer (tv), yes you heard right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 36,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21607198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctormissy/pseuds/doctormissy
Summary: Crowley's latest brilliant idea involves ranting about hisundying lovetiny crush on Aziraphale on Twitter instead of actuallydealingwith his feelings now that the world didn't end. Because he will never find out, right?Right?
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Series: twitterverse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592104
Comments: 2823
Kudos: 2566
Collections: Shady Good Omens Faves, Wickedly Good Omens Fics





	1. being gay be like:

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [sleep deprived superheroes (and twitter aren't a good mix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19380151) by [burdenedwithgloriousfandoms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/burdenedwithgloriousfandoms/pseuds/burdenedwithgloriousfandoms). 



> burdenedwithgloriousfandoms said "if u have ideas for a twit fic just go write and post it u will not regret" and that's why this exists! and also because there isn't a fic like this in the good omens fandom yet and I FIXED THAT. 
> 
> for whatever reason you found your way here, I hope you enjoy!

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
u ever been in love w someone for like, 6000 years but they not only friendzone u real hard but also deny u ever been friends  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
and THEN they ask u to have lunch?? at the ritz??? like what are u-

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
being gay be like:

**monica** @moneyca  
ugh ikr

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
me @ every time my crush asks me to hang out: are u asking me out or OUT

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
That’s very specific but man you’re right

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@cannoli_oli_ 1) not a man 2) it’s been 6022 years ive been counting

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
OP SAYS ENBY RIGHTS

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@lesbill_ gender is a concept crafted by the human society and I subject to neither

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
 _@ajcrowley_ pronouns?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@lesbill_ he/him or they/them but it may vary

**Connor** @28connor  
So are y’all gonna ignore the fact that OP is clearly not human or

**Connor** @28connor  
 _@ajcrowley_ care to comment??????

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@28connor_ I said what I said

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
THIS JUST IN: @ajcrowley IS A NEW CRYPTID

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
it’s drinks and philosophical debates time  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
update: I nver said this but he;s so adorable when he’s drunk and babbling and loosening his bowtie ahhh *dying snek noises*  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
update #2: he’s juts said he thought carrot s grow on trees oh my satan  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
HES A FOODIE FOR ELVIS SAKE  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
update #3: so fjuckin kissable  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
update #4: im driving home, my bentley won’t stop playing “somebody to love” and im contemplating my whole existence this wednesday night

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
the saga continues 👀

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
are you driving drunk????

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@kara_thomps_ I’m a demon I won’t die

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
but don’t drink & drive kids this is a psa

**Connor** @28connor  
DEMO N,

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
omg omg omG OMG

**All Hail Satan** @berlingothbabe  
 _@ajcrowley_ please have my soul o master of darkness

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@berlingothbabe_ uhhhhhh no offence but I’d rather not, too much responsibibility

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
haha is this roleplay or

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
this is twitter ofc he’s not rly a demon they’re not real

**Connor** @28connor  
who cares tbh I’m invested in his gay musings

**monica** @moneyca  
YES somehow this is like a irl romcom fjfkfjf

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
[ _image of Aziraphale in his bookshop, smiling and clearly unaware of being photographed_ ]  
thank satan he’s too technologically inept for smartphones and social media

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
how is he both exactly what I expected the mysterious man™ to look like and nothing like that at all

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
Someone is hot for lit professor-

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
oh he’s CUTE

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@kara_thomps_ he’s a bastard angel but ur not wrong

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
anyone else can see the 😍 in that statement

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
ANGEL X DEMON WE SHIP IT

**Connor** @28connor  
#TwitterCryptids

**monica** @moneyca  
#TwitterCryptids

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
#TwitterCryptids

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
aziraphale gave me a potted plant today?? and I have lots of plants sure but what does it MEAN  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
will try and get the information from the plant, stay tuned  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
bastard wouldn’t say. put him on my desk. I HAVE NO ANSWERS

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
oh, what could getting a GIFT possibly mean?

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
are u talking to ur plants like a certified plant mom

**monica** @moneyca  
do go on

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@anathema_d_ book girl, is that u

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
 _@ajcrowley_ yup

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
shit

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
…what DOES it mean

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
you’re the immortal here, figure it out :)


	2. imma need popcorn with this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!! i actually wrote this after i posted the first one cos i was overwhelmed with the response to this and just overall super excited??? and i already have chapter 3, which should be up on tuesday! that one will have some of the stuff y'all suggested :)

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
me: *arrives to armageddon 15 minutes late with starbucks & in a car that’s on fire*  
me: this is fine

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
no updates on aziraphale today 👀

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@winchesterfann_ he’s too absorbed in reading to notice me ://

**farah** @princessaziz  
when your husband is a bigger bookworm that the entirety of the ravenclaw tower:

**monica** @moneyca  
MOOD

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
he WISHES he was his husband lmao

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@peteyboiii_ shut up

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
also did u know there’s a starbucks in hell

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
it better cause this binch is going down and will throw a FIT w/o her pumpkin spice

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
so does anyone still think about that #TwitterCryptid crowley person or  
|  
 **100% that bitch** @uheardme  
cos they’re joking right????

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
maybe it’s some sort of practical joke????

**Connor** @28connor  
or rly good shitposting jsdnjasdnhja

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
 _@uheardme_ angels, demons, it’s all real and u lack the brainpower to see it

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
ONCE I DRANK 8 VENTI CUPS AND THREW HANDS WITH GOD

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
sure jan

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
 _@anitamamacita_ KIN

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
cryptid alert ?

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
all postgrad students are tbh……

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
ok but HEAR ME OUT

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
I live in LA and I heard from a friend who heard from another friend that this guy named “”Lucifer Morningstar”” who runs the best nightclub in town is the actual devil and they have proof 👀

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
u read too many conspiracy theories lmao

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
u clearly haven’t gone miles deep into the pits of the internet in search of the impossible lmao

**conspiracy theories are my jam** @olgoi_khorkhoi  
IS THE QUEEN A LIZARD

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
yes

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
my boyfriend broke the washing machine today and I’m wondering why I love him

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
I’ve been asking myself this since 3000 bc

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
has it really been that long

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
wait don’t answer that, the besotted looks could power the entirety of Lower Tadfield, ofc it has

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
…

**monica** @moneyca  
user ajcrowley is at it again _@28connor_

**Connor** @28connor  
imma need popcorn with this

**Connor** @28connor  
also big mood _@anathema_d_

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
even the latest #TheGoodPlace episode is against me

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
dude I know right? it’s so sad to see chidi and eleanor being apart again and with erased memories and-

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
what why what’s going on

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@mjjjohn_ I’m having a cuppa and taking a nap is what’s going on

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
hopefully for at least a week

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
pls give me the power to sleep for a week

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@timforcoffee_ are u sure u can handle the raw power of the universe, mortal

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
again, what’s going on

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
go thru the #TwitterCryptid tag and see

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
oh this is GAY

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
I’ve been summoned-

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
have u asked heather out yet

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
no :// I’m a wuss I still dunno if she likes me or LIKES me yknow, I don’t want to risk our friendship

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@lesbill_ if u won’t try u’ll never know

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
maybe…… take your own advice then KAREN

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
oi rude


	3. hamlet??? 1601?????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's play a game: can you spot all the cameos??? cos in every chapter, there's always someone new :)
> 
> so far, there were bill potts (@lesbill), ella lopez (@ellatheawesomestcsi), and tim drake (@timforcoffee) if you were wondering!

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
aziraphale asked me to see hamlet with him today, acting like he didn’t ignore me for a week aksnjsdns but im a basic bitch who will do anything for him when he gives me That Look™ so ofc I said yes  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
I wonder if he does it on purpose  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
well he certainly did in 1601 when we were at the premiere of hamlet and there were like, 5 ppl in the audience and he was all sad about it and gave me The Look™ so I’d make hamlet popular even tho he bloody well knew I preferred the funny ones  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
LOOK HOW POPULAR IT IS NOW AZIRAPHALE. LOOK. I SAID TO HIM  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
and then he didn’t talk to me for 63 years  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
IS THAT WHY HE WANTS TO SEE HAMLET  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
but then he insisted he’d get to the theatre himself instead of arriving with me im-

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
have u ever considered that maybe it’s because u drive like an actual maniac

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@anathema_d_ nah that can’t be it, he’s used to it

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
it’s like the plant all over what does it MEAN

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
ummm

**Connor** @28connor  
did he just say he went to the premiere of hamlet in 1601

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
did he just say they’re going on a DATE

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@peteyboiii_ that’s the thing idk what it is and WHAT IS LIFE ANYWAY

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
I feel u

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
HAMLET??? 1601?????

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
 _@ajcrowley_ so did u know shakespeare

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@ellatheawesomestcsi_ we had ale a few times and he stole some of my lines

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
riiiiiiight

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Oh really?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@tea_and_scones_ antony and cleopatra, ever heard of that? the “age does not wither” line was mine, for example

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
suuuure,

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
is that why you call yourself Anthony

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
oi why are u being so nosy, book girl

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
because why not

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
 _@ajcrowley_ what does the J stand for

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@mjjjohn_ judith

**farah** @princessaziz  
 _@ajcrowley_ why is your profile photo a snake in sunglasses

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@princessaziz_ cos that’s me

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
 _@ajcrowley_ how did u and aziraphale meet

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@ellatheawesomestcsi_ in the garden of eden, he was on apple tree duty and i was the snake who tempted adam and eve

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
 _@ajcrowley_ have you really loved him for… did you say 6000 years?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@tea_and_scones_ ehh give or take

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
 _@ajcrowley_ how did u know u loved him 👀

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
THATS IT ENOUGH QUESTIONS IM OUT I HAVE A PLAY TO SEE

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
they’re trolling us good adnjasdnahda

**monica** @moneyca  
I LOVE IT HAHANDJNFJS

**lurker** @noideasfornames  
THIS IS THE BEST ACCOUNT EVER

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
I’m making it my personal mission to get #TwitterCryptid trending

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
fact: idek who played hamlet cos I kept listening to aziraphale’s excited babbling and staring at his stupid angelic face  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
im fucking doomed

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
and? did u invite him over for wine or whatever is it u do afterwards?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
no I panicked ://////

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
aw dude ://

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
ive just found this account but god is this relatable

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
haha yes

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
*sips tea*

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
otp

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
also, looks like u gained 20k followers overnight :) good luck :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noideasfornames had a great idea here, so if someone wants me to use their name as a twitter handle—or even their actual twitter—go ahead and tell me :)


	4. oi why can't you accept the truth KARA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 3 cameo was eggsy unwin from kingsman (@scrambledeggsy). who's here this time? also, things are getting #intense :)

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley **  
**I named the plant herbert. he’s a little shit

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
aww

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
plant mom I SAID IT

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
u name all your plants op? or just the one from u-know-who 😄

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@smol_potato_ only the most well-behaved ones get names. here I’ve made a Mistake

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
now that’s a first

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
it is!!!! he sheds leaves when I yell at him unlike the rest of my plants who know how to BEHAVE

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
*points hand* is this a scheme

**Proper** @PlantMum  
maybe… try… being nice to your plants? they have feelings you know

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@PlantMum  
  
_

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
we stan an immortal who knows gen z humour

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@peteyboiii_ gotta roll with the times 😎

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
I’m beginning to think they’re a 20yo uni student and really trolling us

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
I mean obviously ksdnjsnfja

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
Do you heathens still not believe… smh

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
he’s telling the truth u know. I’ve been there

**lemon** @Laemon  
where 👀

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
the apocalypse

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
yeah right

**Connor** @28connor  
And that happened in England right

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@28connor_ more like DIDN’T happen… but yeah it was a month ago

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
 _@28connor_ no thanks to crowley or aziraphale though 😏

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
oi book girl what have I done to u

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
nothing, ur just an idiot

**monica** @moneyca  
we been knew lmao

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
we stan this friendship 👏🏾  
  


**Connor** @28connor  
We’ve been asking ourselves who’s Crowley…… but I have a more pressing question: WHO’S AZIRAPHALE? #TwitterCryptid

**monica** @moneyca  
ur right

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
galaxy brain

**Connor** @28connor  
what we know: might be an angel, might be a lit prof, might own a bookshop???? And this apocalypse thing??? What we don’t know: ummm _@anathema_d_

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
he’s an angel who runs a bookshop, obviously

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
ooooo my time has come once again

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
I did some digging and the name “Aziraphale” has been mentioned a couple times in various history books in the connection with blessings and a guardian of the eastern gate of Eden and more recently queerness [ _three images of old-looking book pages, clearly focused on the name of Aziraphale, always spelt differently and in one case including a short description of the man known from the photo from Crowley’s account_ ]

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
holy fuck

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
TOLD YA IT WAS REAL HA

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
you said something about a lucifer morningstar right? he’s probably a method actor or something and both of these pining idiots too

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
oi why can’t you accept the truth KARA

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
ksdnhjadha burnnnnn

**monica** @moneyca  
 _@haleyscometh_ is that legit????

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
I’m getting a PhD in history so I’d say

**Q** @efficiencies  
I’m not a historian but I have odd hobbies and live in London so it may have taken me a while but then I remembered: a cryptid + bookshop = A. Z. Fell and Co.

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I know that one! It’s AWFUL, the owner never wants to sell anything and has the most disorganised shelves in the WORLD

**Connor** @28connor  
Wait are u sure _@efficiencies @tea_and_scones_ because that doesn’t sound like… The Guy ya know

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
hmmm but the name would fit 🤔

**Q** @efficiencies  
it’s been open since about 1800, apparently, and run by “a long line of male descendants of Fell’s who look suspiciously alike to their ancestors and share the same fashion style”

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
ive heard of that from my- nvm, ive heard of that too 👀

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
hopelessly pining after someone are we _@scrambledeggsy_

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
fuck u have no idea

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
BILL. BILL PLEASE

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
this ain’t about me we’re #TwitterCryptids fans

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
yes, the plural is a great addition,  
  


**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
so yeah, in conclusion: THEY ACTUALLY IMMORTAL

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
hot news: #TwitterCryptids proving the existence of heaven and hell?

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
C R O W L E Y WHAT THE FUCK YOU MORON I’M GOING TO KILL YOU

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
 _@beelzebub_ no you won’t, I forbid it because this is absolutely hilarious, keep going _@ajcrowley_ 😈

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
also, since when are you on twitter _@beelzebub_

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
fuck off

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
i- wh-


	5. shut up I'm having a moment here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is a bit late; I was working on another fic. if established ineffable husbands + porn with feelings is your thing, please [check it out](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21737848)! 
> 
> another cameo to add to the collection is Q from the Bond films (@efficiencies). yes, I know Crowley is a Bond fan, but let's pretend the newer ones are real I guess? and there are two this time :) also, please watch the series Lucifer if you don't know it. it's amazing.

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
should I get a pet snake y/n

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
yes

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
do it for the aesthetic

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
do it for the vine!!!!!

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
don’t u already have one? the one in the profile pic?

**farah** @princessaziz  
that’s HIM, didn’t you listen :)

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
WHY would you ask this on twitter

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
come to think of it, why would u just get a pet snake

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
u can’t just ask a demon why they’d get a pet snake

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@anathema_d_ I need to get over my bosses being on fucking twitter

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
I should probably explain, shouldn’t I

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
assdjsnfsaidjau im so dead

**All Hail Satan** @berlingothbabe  
eye-

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
(≖_≖ )

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
 _@TheDevilOfLA_ yes please can you comment on this and tell us the truth at last

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
yeah luce do u know this guy???? I’ve been meaning to ask but

**Connor** @28connor  
 _@ellatheawesomestcsi_ do you know _@TheDevilOfLA_

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
yeah we work together 😛😛😛 he’s the origin of my #TwitterCryptids stalking career

**monica** @moneyca  
PLOT TWIST

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
😮😮😮😮😮

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
 _@ellatheawesomestcsi_ yes, I know him, he’s always been the most resourceful demon around

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
anyway, I’ve been living in LA since 2011 and do rather like earth, so I’m not mad about the apocalypse failing to happen, you did me a favour, really, _@ajcrowley_. and if you want tips on how to seduce the angel then I’m your guy, seduction IS kind of my thing 😉

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
WHAT

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
no, sorry, hang on, W H A T

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
he’s a slow one, isn’t he

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
you have no idea

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
but first, you, the devil, actual satan, have been living in MY CITY for YEARS and now you have the AUDACITY to come to this thread and act like it’s all fine when you tried to make YOUR SON end the whole WORLD? I don’t think so

**🏳️‍🌈** **🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
girl you’ve got balls,

**my lipstick is more powerful than you** **💄** @queenbitchizzy  
 _@anathema_d_ marry me

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
 _@queenbitchizzy_ I’ll remember that if my current relationship doesn’t work out

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
do you want me to apologise? fine, I apologise for that bit of theatrics, I was confused and summoned in the middle of a bath, how would you feel if that happened to you? can we move on now

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
um

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
i need alcohol. LOTS of alcohol

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
I’m calling aziraphale

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
I meant it with the tips 😈

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
no offence my lord but can you just leave me ALONE

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
…AND he’s no fun

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
things are getting heated in this fandom

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
sksksjsksksjs

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
So… is anyone even more confused

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
I don’t even care if this is real or not, I’m living for this

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
The Truth Is Out There

**conspiracy theories are my jam** @olgoi_khorkhoi  
*eats popcorn*

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
*eats wotsits*  
  


 **pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
WOTSITS

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
so u know how I’m a very cool person and all, right, but maybe sometimes panic a tiny bit?  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
aziraphale asked what was goin on when I came over and I couldn’t tell him, obvsly, then he’d know about thiss account and, yeah  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
but anyway HE HELD MY HAND and then he went to get more wine like nothign happened but HE HELD MY HAND

**monica** @moneyca  
*punches air* AW YES

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
oh, development 👀

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
“maybe sometimes panic a tiny bit” suuuuuure

**Q** @efficiencies  
so perhaps take that as a sign and confront him about how he feels?

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
 _@efficiencies_ to quote a line from all the threads I just went through bc of you, maybe take your own advice 😆

**Q** @efficiencies  
 _@eve_moneypants_ why thank you, darling, I’ll surely tell *him* I have a crush on him

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
has this account turned to a sanctuary for pining gays

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
yes.

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
it’s such a mood I-

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@lesbill_ not a SANCTURARY tyvm I’m still a respectable demon

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
But they do have a point

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
shut up I’m having a moment here

**lord of files** @Dagon  
 _@beelzebub_ u were right, I’ve NEVER seen more human misery and stupidity in one place

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
ugh, not just human, look at the bloody traitor!!!!

**lord of files** @Dagon  
is that the BOSS TALKING TO HIM

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
he forbade me from murdering him after YEARS of silence!!!!

**lord of files** @Dagon  
not that u could……u know, actually murder him

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
don’t fucking remind me and get back TO WORK

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
I still don’t see the point of this… application.

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
oi who invited wankwings

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
Dagon did, why?

**lord of files** @Dagon  
😁😁😁 going back to work now

**✝️** **Gabriel ✝️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Isn’t it frustrating, _@beelzebub_? HOW did they survive that?

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
FUCK my life and FUCK everything

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
ah, this is going to be entertaining yet


	6. boop boop boop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be studying for my exams or writing a completely different fic but here I am :) and I have like a half of chapter 7 written too, so I guess that one will be up on saturday?
> 
> and—find some more guest stars?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
meet antoinette  
[ _a picture of a boa constrictor sitting on Crowley’s desk, head perched as if looking into the camera_ ]

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
so u really got a pet snake.

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
the history nerd approves of the name *nods*

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
u know what that means

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
boop boop

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
boop booP

**lio rights** @kingblaiddyd  
boop boop boop

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
BOOP DAT SNOOT

**lurker** @Noideasfornames  
boop the cutie!!!

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
boop boop I love her 😭

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
aziraphale will be shooketh haha also I probably didn’t think this thru

**Q** @efficiencies  
I went to A. Z. Fell & Co on my lunch break and it was closed but I’m fairly sure I saw Aziraphale inside, damn I’m a good spy #TwitterCryptids

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
Isn’t that your boyfriend’s job 🙂

**Q** @efficiencies  
shut up. this is a hunt for the truth

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
pining for a slightly older super hot super badass spy perhaps????

**Q** @efficiencies  
I don’t know what you’re talking about…

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
dont worry guv me too :’))

**Q** @efficiencies  
anyway, _@tea_and_scones_ wasn’t wrong about the owner not wanting to sell things, that much I could tell. but it’s certainly the bookshop we’re looking for, and there certainly is something… odd about the place

**no 1 dumbass** @hela_spawn_of_loki  
oh???????

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
*punches air* VINDICATION

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
u my guy _@haleyscometh_

**Connor** @28connor  
👀👀👀👀👀👀

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
does no one ever think to simply ASK me things, I could have told you he’s lived there since 1800

**monica** @moneyca  
haha yeah lets have a tea party with satan

**Been to hell and back** @JohnnyConstantine  
You might need something stronger than that

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
and i oop

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
do i know u _@JohnnyConstantine_ cos……

**Been to hell and back** @JohnnyConstantine  
I tried to exorcise you, didn’t work, we got exquisitely sloshed

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
ahhhh yes 2009 was it

**Been to hell and back** @JohnnyConstantine  
I wanted to tap that but she wouldn’t let me

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
bitch only aziraphale can tap this arse

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
IM WHEEZING

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
ugh disgusting

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
don’t be MEAN

**lord of files** @Dagon  
did u just tell a prince of hell not to be mean human u will PERISH

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
TOUCH ELLA LOPEZ AND YOU WILL BE A SMOKING PILE OF DUST

**lord of files** @Dagon  
noted

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
lucifer I will give u ALL my donuts!

**Connor** @28connor  
Is everyone ignoring the prince of hell thing, again,

**monica** @moneyca  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
tryin very hard to, yeah, don’t mind me,

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
also do u be genderfluid????????

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@Simply_Skipper_ I hoard all the genders

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
thank u for ur service

**stabby stab** @lowkeyagod  
kin

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
also aziraphale won’t tap that arse and I’m sad :(((((

**bisaster** @doctormissy  
just tell him then!!!!

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
what and get REJECTED AGAIN-

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
to sum up this beautiful October week in the #TwitterCryptids fandom: more evidence suggesting user ajcrowley really is a demon? also, #enbyrights

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
I mean, we been knew

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
demon more like dumbass

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
miss anathema!!! what an honour

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
They all stalk lol

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
this is my only distraction from uni now that there are no apocalypse prophecies, rip

**bisaster** @doctormissy  
ah yes I know how u feel :)))

**lemon** @Laemon  
wait ur in college??? skajdja

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
getting my second degree, yeah

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
oh??

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
at 20 :)

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
OOF BINCH

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
will u ever come back to la cuz we need to meet!!!!!! omg

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
no, I will NOT go to the devil’s city. BUT I do have a big ass house in Malibu 🌊

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
*gasp* I’m hurt

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Good

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
YES

**lurker** @Noideasfornames  
You should all change your names to “lurker”

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
>:)


	7. body positivity!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I did some assignments and decorated our christmas tree? i'd say it's been a productive couple of days. BUT it's exam week next week and I don't suppose I'll have much time to write, rip :/

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
do u ever just go for a walk to st james’s with the hereditary enemy uve been in love with for 6000 years and stare at him lovingly from behind ur valentino sunglasses and touch his hand when he passes u the duck food and ur heart is beating so hard under that gucci shirt and-  
  


 **pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
gay

**Connor** @28connor  
gay

**blueee** @Cyanogynist  
gay

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
gay

**no 1 dumbass** @hela_spawn_of_loki  
gay

**lexie** @lexieconextreme  
gay

**yas(t christmas)** @LI4MDUNBAR  
gay

**ya boi** @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
gay

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
GAY!!!!

**Sarah Buchstaber** @ClumsyElf  
Gay.

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
I KNOW IM BIG GAY

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
also don’t!!! feed ducks bread!!!! unless u rly wanna end up in the dump I’ve crawled from

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
who else wants to BARF

**lord of files** @Dagon  
🤢🤢🤢🤢

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
no worse actually I want to wash my eyes with HOLY WATER

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Please do.

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
you’d enjoy that wouldn’t u :) guess i changed my mind

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Pity :)

**lord of files** @Dagon  
stop flirting right in front of my salad for hells sake,,,

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
DO U WANNA BE STABBED-

**lord of files** @Dagon  
yes

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
what

**lord of files** @Dagon  
i said yes stab me

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
ménage-a-trois

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Blasphemy!!!

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
dear brother, you didn’t forget I’m the devil, did you? look, there’s even a me emoji 😈

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi **  
**i spat out mY SOUP-

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
invited myself to spend the rest of the day in the bookshop. time to get drunk n punk  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
aziraphale: pumpkin spice latte w whisky™ he a fancy angel but I want my PORT

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
good choice of drink @ aziraphale ☕

**no 1 dumbass** @hela_spawn_of_loki  
u go my dude

**monica** @moneyca  
tales from the bookshop part 7:

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
give us updates yeah

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
 _@lesbill_ how are ur updates?

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
I’ll be meeting heather at the uni’s halloween party :)

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
and how’s the big snek mx crowley

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@kartoffelsalat_ excuse u IM the big snek antoinette is the smol snek obviously

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
she’s??? a boa constrictor?????

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@peteyboiii_ and I’m the bloody serpent of eden I’m BIGGER

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
thicc snek

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
he’s actually so skinny you’d cut yourself hugging him

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
you haven’t seen the snek dear

**lexie** @lexieconextreme  
dkfsjnsnfjsnka

**san trancisco 🏳️‍🌈** @gayvibesonly  
what did i just witness-

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
ummmm erm anyway aziraphale is the thicc one he comfy and beautiful

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
body positivity???

**bisaster** @doctormissy  
body positivity!!!!!

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
neither heaven nor hell care about body type, weight, skin colour, orientation, gender, whether you have 30 tattoos or purple hair or only one arm or both sets of genitals or a mental illness. we accept you as you are and weigh the proverbial heart. 1/2  
|  
 **Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
your ACTIONS decide. so treat yourselves accordingly and don’t let other humans tell you shit about your bodies. look at aziraphale, an angel, inventing the word foodgasm 😏 2/2

**yas(t christmas)** @LI4MDUNBAR  
THANK YOU

**Jameela Jamil** **🌈** @jameelajamil  
Yes, Preach! _@TheDevilOfLA_

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
tfw the devil supports u and tell u shit no one in church will

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
unnnhhhhh I hate that ur right

**lemon** @Laemon  
even about aziraphale?????

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
idk how the heaven he knows but……he almost got his head chopped off during the french revolution for CREPES

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
there were times I still read the earth observation files, you know

**Connor** @28connor  
Pls never stop with the history bits asjahsadkjhf

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
also was that… jameela jamil… the activist queen herself…tahani…

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
body positivity!!!!! and that includes trans and nb and disabled ppl uwu

**san trancisco 🏳️‍🌈** @gayvibesonly  
yes ur right uwu

**God** @God  
Retweeted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to clarify: @hela_spawn_of_loki and @LI4MDUNBAR aren't the characters but fandom handles! I know it's probably confusing lol (also yas I'm sorry but I had to)


	8. *laughs in british*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some time to write earlier today actually, so have a chapter! I've got to study for _theory_ of literature now, see u on... thursday? possibly?
> 
> also i'm sorry in advance for this one, it somewhat got away from me :')

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
is _@ajcrowley_ alright??? we haven’t heard from them for two weeks at least 👀

**monica** @moneyca  
I’ve been wondering about him too???

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
maybe dude FINALLY confessed his feelings and they’ve been…u know… doing the do

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
taking the hot dog bus to taco town

**san trancisco 🏳️‍🌈** @gayvibesonly  
horizontal tango

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
making the beast with two backs

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
stuffin the muffin

**Been to hell and back** @JohnnyConstantine  
Smitin’ evil

**monica** @moneyca  
 _@JohnnyConstantine_ u win ajnjsdnjss

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
pwease sto p skdnjsnjsnbhs

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
CACK LINg

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
I hate to disappoint y’all but he’s been skulking in my house for the last two weeks and refusing to check his phone. I’m THIS CLOSE 👌🏽 from kicking him out

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
yeah same about lucifer he’s Shook that _@God_ rtd him 😅😅😅

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
LOOK at him  
[ _image of a dishevelled Lucifer Morningstar, sitting on his sofa, surrounded by pizza boxes and having a distant look in his eye; the caption reads “mopey devil >:/”_]

**my lipstick is more powerful than you** **💄** @queenbitchizzy  
hang on who did what

**lio rights** @kingblaiddyd  
did u not see??? GOD THEMSELF supporting TRANS & NB RIGHTS????? body positivity????

**charlie’s demons** @charliexxx  
WUT

**Connor** @28connor  
Well… all that aside…. Lucifer is hot omg my gay ASS-

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
u not wrong 🤤

**Proper** @PlantMum  
FUCK

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
are we thirsting for the devil now jsbshbdahjd ok

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
b- but he h- hOT

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
hhhhhh snacc

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
im lesbian but I can see it……

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
I thought u were english

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
THATS NOT HOW THE VINE GOES HHHHHH

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
pardon u but we don’t live in AMERICA here

**Q** @efficiencies  
*sips earl grey* yes sir

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
DRINK TEA. FUCK BORIS

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
oi bruv ‘ow ya doin ‘ave sum butty wif marmite an’ sum walkers ‘ow ‘bout we drop by the pub later an’ ‘ave a pint an’ did i tell ya i bloody luv the colour of ye new jumper mate-

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
mmmm jam toasties bean pizza mmmmmm are jaffa cakes biscuits or cakes????

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
you KNOW the answer to that binch  


***confused cat*** @ratatatat  


**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  


**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
*whispers* summer…

**Q** @efficiencies  
when you’re running late cos you popped over to asda for an egg-on-cress and a salad on your lunch break and the automated checkout yells about unexpected items in the baggage area 5 times but you only put your bloody tote bag in there

**charlie’s demons** @charliexxx  
0800 00

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
1066

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
1066

**Been to hell and back** @JohnnyConstantine  
1066

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
1066 :) may that seagull rot in hell

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
SCON OR S-CONE

**Q** @efficiencies  
no, no, please, no

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
scon

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
no it’s s-cone

**Q** @efficiencies  
Eve, darling, no, it’s “scon” for the love of god

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
SCON

**bisaster** @doctormissy  
SCON

***confused cat*** @ratatatat  
no s-cone

**nb and proud** @anitamamacita  
no it’s SCON heathens-

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
[skɒn]

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
pffffffff fancy but ta :’)))

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
pardon my American but me confused

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
yeah sksjdsnjsd what the actual Fuck

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
s- sorry,,,

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
when you’ve been living in the uk for two months and think they can’t surprise u anymore and theN-

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
*laughs in british*

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
hOw mAnY maLteSeRs CaN yoU fIt inTo yOUr moUtH

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
126

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
HOW

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
snek mouth

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
welcome back :)

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
so this escalated quickly,,,,,,,

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
yup im calm

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
yup

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
fucking morons, get over urselves

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Excuse me, the Almighty replied to SATAN, that doesn’t happen EVERY DAY!

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
fuuuuuck me, not archangel fucking gabriel

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Shut up and die, demon :)

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
nah u gon have to tolerate me for ETERNITAYYY now

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
Children, the lot of you.

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Hang on, are you LUSTING for the angel, trying to DEFILE him with your evil wiles and CORRUPT an agent of Heaven even FURTHER than you already have corrupted him on Earth?!

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
I may be lusting after him… ill be damned again if I’m not… but I also love him which is smth such a dickhead as u will never understand angel or not THANK U FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

**lord of files** @Dagon  
:)))

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
I- will not condone this sort of behaviour!

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
fucking ROT

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
did we just agree on smth

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
don’t get bloody used to it

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
and say hi to the humans who think I’m a snack >:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) for me jaffa cakes will always be biscuits, 2) I have witnessed the scone debate on discord too many times to be funny I swear, 3) I'm sorry if u don't get this but tbf I don't get ur american memes in mcu twitter fics either
> 
> also, google "tom ellis lucifer" if you don't watch the series. please


	9. what are u STILL doing on my twitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I took all my finals and didn't fail anything, woo!!! finally, I have some proper free time! also, I'm seeing star wars tomorrow and I'm EXCITED
> 
> enjoy! things intensify once again :')

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
can u believe I convinced aziraphale, a being whose music taste didn’t evolve beyond sinatra, armstrong & fitzgerald, to see #BohemianRhapsody with me????? cos I can’t tbh  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
well my car won’t play anything but queen so I guess he might like them a bit??? maybe??? but he mostly complains so idk  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
anywayyyy here we goooo  
  


 **Anita** @anitamamacita  
omg I saw the film yesterday! I CRIED

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
I KNOW RIGHT?? SO G O O D

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
n e ways the disatser gays seeing the #1 gay movie it’s like gay2

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
bahahahaha

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
and does he really not know 🤦‍♀️

**monica** @moneyca  
*whispers* the things we do for love 👀

**no 1 dumbass** @hela_spawn_of_loki  
ikr?????????

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
dumb gay personified 😁😁

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
wait, u don’t listen to them when you’re driving on purpose _@ajcrowley_

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@anathema_d_ no!!!! I’m a fan but that’s a CURSE

**lord of files** @Dagon  
wonder who did that one……

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
that was Y OU

**lord of files** @Dagon  
and ull NEVER get rid of it u piece of trash

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
ಠ,_｣ಠ

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
20 mins in. freddie would’ve loved the legacy he left behind

**Clodo Baggins** @quality_rachni  
Hang on, did u know him?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
did I know- my dude, I encouraged his music, I inspired songs, I snogged him at a party once!!! we were friends!!!

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
oh. My. God

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
holy SHIT

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
wig,

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
I don’t even know u but I can see it. chaotic gay friendship 😏

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
darling who do u think gave him all the outfit ideas. THIS genderfluid individual. I have makeup and im not afraid to WEAR IT

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
also. bi solidarity ya know

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
user ajcrowley do u be bisexual???

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
well pansexual but ehhh that’s just semantics

and don’t @ me

**bisaster** @doctormissy  
💖💜💙 💖💛💙

**Clodo Baggins** @quality_rachni  
💖💜💙 💖💛💙

**charlie’s demons** @charliexxx  
💖💜💙 💖💛💙

**Connor** @28connor  
but what would aziraphale say???? does he know u made out with him????

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
1) it’s not like we’re in a relationship NOW let alone in the 80s ((sad))  
2) he had a thing with oscar wilde and like 30 other authors, he’s the last one to judge pfff if anyone should be jealous here it’s me  
3) im not jealous btw

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
goals

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
OSCAR WILDE????

**monica** @moneyca  
ah u new aren’t u

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
they’re an immortal angel and demon. just roll with it

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
words of wisdom

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
what are u STILL doing on my twitter

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
following you, obviously

  
**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
im definitely not crying,,  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
also I very suavely… sneaked my hand into his… after he ran out of popcorn… and he didn’t let go… kdnjdsbfshbcfsh I thought I was gonna DIE yeah its very gay that’s all thanks for coming

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
and? what happened then?

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
DID U TELL HIM

**yas(t christmas)** @LI4MDUNBAR  
👀

**san trancisco 🏳️‍🌈** @gayvibesonly  
also big mood I cried too it was so fricking emotional-

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@smol_potato @kartoffelsalat @LI4MDUNBAR_ no, that’s the bloody point!!! once in 1967 I asked him out and he said I went too fast for him!! after almost 6000 years!! and after that he rejected me EVERY TIME did u not hear anything I SAID

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
the only time he said yes was the day of the apocalypse where he stayed over at my place and then we went to the ritz but then it all went back to the same old routine and id-bloody-k what he wants like???? that’s why I fucking use this to VENT so I don’t BLOW UP

**charlie’s demons** @charliexxx  
ok look im no relationship expert but from one genderfluid pan to another: u dumb and he gives u clues all the bloody time mate

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
excuse me but WHEN

**charlie’s demons** @charliexxx  
1) giving u a plant as a gift  
2) asking u to see hamlet w him  
3) holding ur hand. TWICE  
4) agreeing to see a film about a band he doesnt care for W U

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
someone finally said it 👏

**Proper** @PlantMum  
honestly, what more proof do you need?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
They aren’t wrong

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
but- i mean-

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
we’re getting indian. and I need to process this hdfndjfndsjfbhja

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
good luck u celestial idiot

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
hope u choke on chicken curry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah current list of cameos from fandoms other than go & lucifer:
> 
> bill potts, doctor who (@lesbill)  
> yasmin khan, doctor who (@wrathofKhan)  
> tim drake, dc (@timforcoffee)  
> john constantine, dc (@JohnnyConstantine)  
> cisco ramon, dc (@gayvibesonly)  
> charlie, dc's legends of tomorrow (@charliexxx) (they're a british, genderfluid, pansexual, immortal shapeshifter who loves punk clothes. funny, no?)  
> eggsy unwin, kingsman (@scrambledeggsy)  
> q, james bond (@efficiencies)  
> eve moneypenny, james bond (@eve_moneypants)  
> peter parker, mcu (@peteyboiii) (you convinced me) (he doesn't have powers though)  
> loki, mcu (@lowkeyagod) (they transcend universes ig)  
> isabelle lightwood, shadowhunters (@queenbitchizzy)


	10. HAPPY HALLOWEEN YALL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is posting a halloween chapter before christmas ridiculous? yes. do I care? no. enjoy!

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
happy halloween 🎃👻🕸️🕷️🧙🏽😈👼🍬 photo by _@ajcrowley_  
[ _Image of Anathema, Newt, Aziraphale, and the Them standing in front of Jasmine Cottage. They are dressed as a witch, a wizard, a demon, and four Hogwarts students, respectively. Adam is wearing Slytherin robes, Wensleydale is dressed in Ravenclaw robes, and Pepper with Brian are both in Gryffindor robes._ ]

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
Do u perhaps have a photo of crowley in there somewhere 👀

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
u didn’t get this from me  
[ _Image of Crowley and Aziraphale, dressed in tacky angel and demon costumes, smiles on their faces._ ]

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
oiii

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii **  
**costumes? genius  
looks? amazing  
hotel? trivago

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
ajdnsjhdhjs

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
so that’s what he looks like!!!!!!

**Proper** @PlantMum  
not looking bad himself, not at all sir. 😍

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
so he’s NOT a 20yo student trolling us 😅😅

**Connor** @28connor  
Is that face tat real

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@28connor_ yup it is and I have more under than costume

**my lipstick is more powerful than you** **💄** @queenbitchizzy  
RESPECT 👏🏽

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
HAPPY HALLOWEEN YALL

**charlie’s demons** @charliexxx  
its the demons favourite holiday innit 😁 xo

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
and ‘tis my time also

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
I love the hp costumes omg

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
but fuck jkr and her transphobic comments

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
 _@annoyingpanda_ u sir are my hero

**san trancisco** 🏳️‍🌈 @gayvibesonly  
death!!! of the author!!!!

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
I couldn’t agree more 💪🏽 fuck terfs

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
let me assure you that homophobes and transphobes all go to hell and are served justice

**san trancisco** 🏳️‍🌈 @gayvibesonly  
e x c e l l e n t

**no 1 dumbass** @hela_spawn_of_loki  
but?? did u talk about ur feelings _@ajcrowley_???

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
mx crowley????

**lemon** @Laemon  
fuck they’re not responding somethings afoot

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
ah yes, halloween, the day demons run riot and sins flourish

**lord of files** @Dagon  
no need to thank us for all the trash horror films and sweets-induced stomach aches

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
We WILL come down and smite any demons causing mischief.

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
bahahaha youd have to find us first u stupid birdbrain

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
We know there are demons in LA. And Tadfield. Look, it’s all over Twitter.

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
yea trick or treating with my lil hellspawn come join us we have tons of candy and scare off bratty teenagers

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
bad job 👍

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
thx i know

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
uh wot

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
oh hey it’s the serpent. I have some news bitch

this is trixie, future president of mars. i’d protect her with my life. so thx for making sure she didn’t die, u have my respect, and if u wanna know what its like to fuck an angel hmu  
[ _Image of Mazikeen with the rotten half of her demonic face left undisguised and a small human girl, Trixie, wearing a costume that can only represent an alien, somewhat improved since the last time._ ]

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
let me repeat myself,, WHAT

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
I suppose you wouldn’t know that mazikeen lives here in la, would you? yeah, she’s a bounty hunter and #1 demon babysitter. AND had a fling with amenadiel

**✝** **️** **Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
AMENADIEL???? AN ARCHANGEL???? WITH A LESSER DEMON??? GROSS.

**Amen** **👼🏿** @amenadiel  
Say that to my face, bitch

**lord of files** @Dagon  
😮😮😏😏😏

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
uhhhh can u say that again or- did u really-

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
looks like we were wrong. crowley wasn’t the first traitor after all 💢

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
will y’all chilL

and yeah “i really”. it was fun. esp the wings 😉 but auntie maze has to go now, we have humans to scare

**Amen** **👼🏿** @amenadiel  
You didn’t have to tell everyone though

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
enjoy the fame, brother

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
I don’t usually drink but I do need one now.

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
Ok ok we’ve been all crazy about #TwitterCryptids A. J. Crowley & Aziraphale but I’ve just found smth that’s been hidin right in front of us and it’s just juicy EVERYONE CHECK OUT @ beelzebub Dagon ArchangelMichael ArchangelGabriel mazikeen amenadiel 👀

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
omg omg omg

**lexie** @lexieconextreme  
omg hidden treasures

**monica** @moneyca  
ARE THEY FOR REAL OR

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
Holy shit _@efficiencies_

**Q** @efficiencies  
truly

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Oh my lord

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
how did we not notice before adnjajsbhjbhjs

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
we’re so stupid ignoring the obvious,,,

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
yall are right they’re real they’re demons n archangels sjskksnj

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleycometh  
I told u about LA hah and u didn’t believe me

**Connor** @28connor  
followed.

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
halloween update: we have a whole bunch of supernatural entities on twitter and no one can say it’s not real anymore. it’s 2018. we are thriving. someone make memes

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
this is like a #buzzfeedunsolved episode lmao

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
 _@shanemadej @ryansbergara_ do u… see this…

**ya boi** @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
sjdbhasjbdhabd this is Gold

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
tfw ur world is turned upside down with one tweet from ur former boss *chuckles nervously*

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
uh huh yeah but WHAT ABT AZIRAPHALE

**monica** @moneyca  
they have a couple’s costume I mean,

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
im still not over that asdjnjada whose idea was it

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@peteyboiii_ mine. I have lots of stupid ideas

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
and shut up. I need to think things thru ok im known for not doing that and subsequently fucking up

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
…in the meantime imma watch him eat a cadbury dairy milk more sexily than anyone else on the planet and dream

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
hhhhhhh

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
this drama surpasses even the levels of notting hill (1999), honestly, the sheer DAFTNESS

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
do y’all see what I put up with

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
u have the patience of a saint

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
I fuckin know ✨

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> question: do u want ineffable bureaucracy in this too? or any other ship? cos I'm all for bee/gabriel and dagon/michael but anything works tbh so lmk
> 
> and another note for those who don't know lucifer (spoiler warning for those who saw some of it): the mazikeen/amenadiel thing was real, and the angel has a son with a human now! and he and lucifer get along. also, trixie is the daughter of detective chloe decker, the woman lucifer has been in love with since season 1 but didn't admit it to anyone, not even himself, until the season 4 finale. in which he returned to hell like 5 seconds later because stupid demons. the drama... [I wrote a whole (crossover) thing about it](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19861321/chapters/47035351), which can be read even without any knowledge of lucifer (tv)! this fic is basically an au of that :')


	11. he says he's a demon and then-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! yay! I hope you had awesome holidays and a great new year's eve/day, and welcome to a new decade! and now onto a new chapter! 
> 
> the next one will be up on saturday, and then I might be able to update regularly every other day cos I'm on a semester break till 10 february so I literally won't have anything better to do than write, lol. I mean, I'll be writing other fics too, but yay!!!! and speaking of, I posted some good omens/lucifer stuff, so check out my works :)
> 
> also, cw for homophobia, but crowley takes care of stuff! ;)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**ok ik I could go on for hours about aziraphale and his smiles and babbling and… yeah but today when I was leavin the bookshop I found this boy huddled outside and cold and… look don’t tell my bosses im still a big bad demon but  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I asked the kid what was goingon and he said his catholic dad kicked him out when he came out as gay to him. in fuckin november. in this fucking century. he’s 16. so I took him inside and az gave him tea and biscuits and let him stay. cos fucked if I don’t help a kid  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
he’s my kid now. all the homeless kids are my kids now. and the queer ones. and the poor ones. and the disabled ones. and the abused ones. MY FUCKING KIDS OK  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
and to that arsehole excuse of a father: u should be ashamed of urself. disowning a child bc he loves the “”wrong gender”” is the worst bloody thing, especially bc “the bible says being gay is a sin”. SINCE WHEN??? is it one of the seven deadlies? NO. that was added in the 70s.  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
god doesn’t hate gay people. god is a pansexual genderfluid entity and so are all her children. id know. was an angel once. and I created the original sin--and u know what that was rly about? adam and eve both slept with lucifer. they’re both bisexual. so tehre u go  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
and to all the queers out there: if u ever feel unsafe or need to talk, TALK TO ME. I didn’t start the stonewall riots in 69 for nothing. and ive known times when the roman emperor not having male lovers and being attracted only to women was considered WEIRD.  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
history is hella queer and we should remind white cishet men exactly that and shouldn’t leet them take anything from us. and anyway--aziraphale, he’s the patron saint of queers and always has been. and im hella proud of him. so come to the bookshop. it’s always a safe space.  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
anyway. gender as a concept should be cancelled and then we’d be all happy. us angels and demons are anyway. and I’m drunk. yeaaaaah. rant over, ciao

**Mike Tyler** @Mike_Tyler  
Being gay is wrong. Men should only be with women, as it’s always been, and any other way it’s just gross. Queers should rot in hell, just like you--proof that it’s evil, demonic!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**ok boomer looks like u just lost ur job and ur wife is about to find out ur cheating on her with ur secretary :)

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
and there’s already a cell waiting for YOU and the likes of you in hell

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill **  
**BRAVO 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
ROAST HIM CROWLEY!!!!!!!

**monica** @moneyca  
holy SHIT idek what to focus on???? _@ajcrowley_ is a fucking hero

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
“ok boomer” imma use that

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
ALSO??? god is genderfluid? a she?? adam and eve are bi??? YOU are responsible for the STONEWALL RIOTS?????

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@peteyboiii_ causing chaos and pissing people off is what I do best 😏 well, no, the humans started the protests, but I did HELP

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
was Aziraphale there too??

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I’m sure he must’ve been!

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@haleyscometh @tea_and_scones_ he was, yeah. we were just having a good time and then the police just stormed in-

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
and yes ur right, gender should be canceled, and demon or no u a heckin SAINT

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
WE ST A N

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
ur literally doing god’s work and don’t tell anyone tell u otherwise

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
U MY FAVE DEMON NOW SOWWY _@mazikeen_

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
 _@ellatheawesomestcsi_ nah we good

 _@ajcrowley_ we’re friends now. non-negotiable

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@mazikeen_ cool. great. lovely.

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
YES ADOPT ALL THE KIDS

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
u guys have no idea. Crowley loves kids so much. once he told me he saved a whole bunch from the flood in 3004 bc cause drowning them was unjust, and then again during the black death, and just. ugh. he’s an idiot but I’m honored to have him as my friend

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
he says he’s a demon and then-

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
 _@Simply_Skipper_ can confirm! we all had some fun times with lucifer, and now i have a girlfriend! she’s also a demon >:)

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley **  
** _@eveofeden_ eve????? is that true?? and wait what are u doing here

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
what it says on the tin >:) and yes, it’s true

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen **  
**I’m the girlfriend

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
😘😘😘😘

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
uhhhh k anyway I already got like, 12 dms from teenagers and not just from the uk and can say this world is fucked up

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
u should’ve let us destroy it THEN

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
no!!!!!! u don’t UNDERSTAND

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
and are u being NICE???? doing GOOD DEEDS??? fucking BLEH u shite excuse for a demon

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
excuse u im not doing g**d deeds im stealing money from the govt, pissing bad ppl off and making sure lots of em end up in hell

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
I’m going to send you a commendation

* * *

**@anathema_d → @tea_and_scones**

you. cut it out. I can’t watch this  
anymore. can’t you see that poor  
crowley is SUFFERING?? just,  
tell him something. please.

Oh I will, dear girl, but I’m…  
curious to see how long this will  
go on. And I must say, a couple  
of certain higher-ups watching  
us again bears no good.

so you’re BOTH cowards, is that  
it? they let u go, didn’t they? and  
fucking satan is on your side

you’re enjoying this, huh

Yes, we’ve established that early  
on, haven’t we? 😏

Poor thing, still has no idea just  
how good I am with my “old as  
Heaven” computer, can’t even  
IMAGINE I could be on social  
media. He makes it too easy,  
really.

well, yeah but it’s a lousy excuse  
as far as they go 😒😒

he wasn’t wrong about u being a  
right bastard sometimes 😁

Perhaps. But don’t you trust me  
by now, Anathema? I’m letting  
him figure things out on his own.

Just… observing him, that’s all.

and REPLYING, sure

I still can’t believe no one  
figured u out yet, aziraphale

I can be careful, you know. Have  
been for the last 6022 years. So  
has Crowley. He’s the one who  
needs to realise we needn’t be  
anymore. Been giving him hints  
aplenty, too. But with… well,  
recent developments, we best  
remain careful a little longer.

I said that before, yes.

But I do love him so. What he  
did for that boy… he may deny  
being a good person at heart all  
he wants, but he is. It’s all--  
charming, really.

you--I give up. I GIVE UP. do  
what u want. I’ll play along. but  
the longer this goes on the worse  
the outcome might actually be

Ah, I wouldn’t worry. We’ve been  
playing the longest cat-and-mouse  
game in all of history, we know  
each other better than anyone else.  
We’re also excellent at waiting and,  
and banter, and breaking up and  
making up, have literally forever.

Well, got to dash. Apparently, my  
bookshop is some kind of  
homeless shelter now… ah, well,  
what can you do. There’s tea to  
be made. I can get back at him for  
not consulting me about this later,  
give him more disobedient plants  
perhaps, or spoil his snake. Have  
a nice day!

wait, so u… don’t want to help  
them?

Nonsense, dear, of course I do,  
gladly, too! I’m an angel! But  
Crowley and I, that’s just how  
we are. It’s all in good fun, of  
course! You’ll see when you’re  
with young Newton long  
enough.

I see 😏 you’re so married.

anyway, have a nice day too 😊

Toodle-oo!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the stonewall riots thing is from that "all aboard the ineffable plan" fic, and I'll be posting a one-shot about it... next week? maybe? I'll post a link here once I do cos ineffable husbands!!! gay history!!! and ineffable husbands at pride!!! we love
> 
> and—congrats to everyone who recognised aziraphale immediately, *wink wink nudge nudge* to everyone who was suspicious, and SURPRISE!!!! to everyone who had no idea 😉😉


	12. #GuardianDemon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: the twitter part of the last one and this one were originally written as one chapter, but then it was too long so I split it. we do apologise for the lack of pining and will be back on our regular programme next week

**thank you mr crowley** @LukeBatkins  
hi, so maybe you know that I got kicked out last week… ta a lot dad. but smth told me to go to soho and there I found _@ajcrowley_ and mr fell who took me in for the night and were generally very kind, and now I have a job & a place to stay? they’re queer guardian angels I swear

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley **  
** _@LukeBatkins_ ur welcome, kid. but don’t call me a guardian angel again or I’ll take it all back

**Amira** **✌** **️** @AwkwardAlienAmira  
You too? I’m a Muslim lesbian and I’ve been out since I was 16 but my parents Disapprove and tried to force me to marry this bloke they’ve been wanting to set me up with since I was, idk, 15? I told Crowley about it and suddenly they changed their mind and left me alone!!! <3

**josh** @pastaforlyfe  
omg I told crowley abt my abusive father who beat me and me mum up when he got drunk,, which was v often and the coppers couldn’t get him but now he’s going away for 8 years and we’re finally free. idek how he did that but fuck am I bloody grateful #GuardianDemon

**Arkona Rocks** **🤟** @vadimchostov1  
I live in Russia where it’s still pretty illegal to be queer and I told Mr. Crowley that chemistry professor failed me on purpose when he found out and he told me it never happen and I could just go there and true, I have a b? No one remembered anything! Thank you #GuardianDemon

**bellarke is canon** @cheeryontop  
I fucked up my knee when I was in a bike accident and was told I needed a couple of surgeries which I couldn’t afford cuz student loans and american health system being just 👌 and was in a lot of pain and taking a ton of meds and I just,, had a breakdown a few days ago 1/2  
|  
 **bellarke is canon** @cheeryontop  
like I’m a college freshman and?? couldn’t do anything and neither could my mom. and then I found this crowley guy and told him and. the exact amount of money I need for the surgeries and rehab showed up on my account 🙏🙏 #GuardianDemon

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
I was just feeling the onset of a panic attack bc I failed another maths test and my parents… Don’t Like That and I was near A Z Fell’s and just like _@LukeBatkins_ I just? knew I should go there? but I came in and there was this large snake inside? 1/?  
|  
 **Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
but Fell gave me a blanket and Crowley said it was just his pet Antoinette and she was nice so I stayed and had some hobnobs and calmed down. that place is just… full of this strange magic. a liminal space. odd smelling, yeah, but lovely 😭 2/2

**thank you mr crowley** @LukeBatkins  
omg 😭😭 this is just, incredible. miracles are real #GuardianDemon

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
IT’S ALL REAL

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
oh, crowley

**blueee** @Cyanogynist  
preach preach preach

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
Team Good With Kids 💪🏽

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
 _@ajcrowley_ is really out here saving kids. and where are u huh

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@haleyscometh_ I’ll have u know I was a nanny to the us ambassador’s son for a couple years and aziraphale was the gardener even if he can’t garden to save his life cos i, a demon, am better with kids than he, an angel,

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
well u did raise him only cause u thought he was the antichrist… and then he wasn’t

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
shut up device

**Connor** @28connor  
Um what

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
haha more tales of the “apocalypse”

**charlie’s demons** @charliexxx  
so anyway hows antoinette?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**very self-important, thinking herself a bloody queen when she’s raised by the serpent of eden and pampered by an angel, cos guess what, he’s knitting JUMPERS for her now, the sop

**no 1 dumbass** @hela_spawn_of_loki  
awwwwww

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
pics or didn’t happen

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**[ _Image of Antoinette, lazing on the ratty sofa in Aziraphale’s bookshop, wearing a tartan-patterned knit onesie and sticking out her tongue._ ]

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
…he wasn’t kidding

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
:)

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
cutie (〃 ω 〃)

**Q** @efficiencies  
looking very cosy!

**farah** @princessaziz  
did he ever knit you a snake jumper 👀

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**well, yes

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
asdsmdkasdsjnh NO

**lexie** @lexieconextreme  
did you wear it

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
……yea. it was black and red. shut up.

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
so,,, pwecioussss,,

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
bloody hell this is so wholesome

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
this week’s recap: Crowley helps children in need and becomes #GuardianDemon in addition to #TwitterCryptid and says he’d started the revolution that changed LGBT+ history. Antoinette is one happy snake! also, the first woman is alive and dating a demon?

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
what a plot twist,

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
fuck I wish I’d been there…

**san trancisco 🏳️‍🌈** @gayvibesonly **  
**suddenly the world feels safer

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
tbh I’m just as stunned about eve as u? but I don’t blame her for leaving heaven, it really is boring and she’s always been a bit of a party girl

**monica** @moneyca  
he lurks again 😂

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
 _@ajcrowley_ hmu, we should totally reconnect!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**well, it HAS been like 5900 years at least

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden **  
**great! now, when are u going to woman up and kiss that angel who gave adam his flaming sword and whom you’ve been in love with since they day u met him, hm 😏

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I-

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
So is anyone else mildly suspicious of user tea_and_scones

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
fuck yeah mate

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
could it be-  
  


 **forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
👀


	13. did u invite him to yours??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the cameos from the last few chapters are mazikeen & amenadiel & eve from lucifer (@mazikeen, @amenadiel, @eveofeden) and the thirteenth doctor from dw (@adventurer_13) 
> 
> also, yesterday I rewatched good omens again (for the 6th time) (is that too many or not enough?) and I'm v emotional about the Church Scene and the Holy Water Scene and basically everything all over again 😭😁

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
just found a reddit thread about snake jumpers and pictures of snakes with badly photoshopped glasses on them saying “anthony” “twitter cryptid” and- which one oF YOU

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  


**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  


**Anita** @anitamamacita  


**panana** @ahsokaaaa  
dkfnjsnjsfnjs

**lurker** @Noideasfornames  
I LIVE FOR THIS

**bisaster** @doctormissy  
sorry mr crowley

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
WHY

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
oh no is,,, mr snek angwy,

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
no it’s hilarious actually

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  


**Q** @efficiencies  
listen #TwitterCryptids people  
|  
 **Q** @efficiencies  
 _@scrambledeggsy_ ’s organisation and mine put aside our professional rivalry for a day to investigate our suspicions about user tea_and_scones

**Connor** @28connor  
and????

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
are they a regular old person? A seemingly old person? Someone who punctuates and uses :) unironically? A troll who knows exactly what’s what? OR ARE THEY U-KNOW-WHO???????

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
wait are u like, spies or something

**like a matryoshka doll** @villanelle  
yup, they are, I know em

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
SHHHHH or we’ll send a 00 after you the next time

**like a matryoshka doll** @villanelle  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**OH** @HorizonWatcher  
very subtle Eve, very subtle 😃

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
 _@HorizonWatcher_ I know u! hey! spy gang! I worked for unit once you know! 😄😄

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
gr8

**Q** @efficiencies  
ANYHOW

the generalness of that profile looks too much like covering one’s tracks. the person is definitely from London, and they do claim to be a bookworm and seem conservative, loving tea and biscuits and antiques, using all the correct grammar like the “archangels” on here…

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
also anathema and they follow each other

**Connor** @28connor  
omg omg omg

**monica** @moneyca  
what does that MEAN

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
Aziraphale is secretly a bastard and a lurker to boot

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
the bitchy bookshop owner would make sense now huh

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
but the bookshop owner is SO sweet? he’s really helpful? he KNITS JUMPERS for his boyfriend’s snake???

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
hahahhahah boyfriend right they WISH

**Q** @efficiencies  
you aren’t buying his books though, are you _@lucyfer_? he’s nice as long as you don’t want to buy them. I have experienced this personally when I finally managed to get inside a week ago

**lemon** @Laemon  
I bet he’s lurking rn

**Connor** @28connor  
no answer. That’s basically a confirmation right

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
do u think crowley has any idea

**Proper** @PlantMum  
OH NO

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
so I have a gf now??? skdnjsdajsfb like we kissed once before but then it was all weird cos I’m all weird and full of Gay Panic but then she made the move and im-

it’s ur turn now pining gays, u can do it!!!!

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
aaaaaaaaaaAAAAA proud of u <3

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
lucky woman 😭😭😭

**Q** @efficiencies  
hah. I don’t think so

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
that’s AWEOSME also I WISH

**like a matryoshka doll** @villanelle  
when the woman you’re in love with turns u down over and over

**OH** @HorizonWatcher  
I know the feeling _@villanelle_

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
ok so now the mi6 people are following me too,

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
im not mi6 thanks

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
the fbi agents watching us must be so jealous rn 😂

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
just aziraphale looking good (and blurry..,) in the moonlight  
[ _Image of Aziraphale standing by the window in Crowley’s flat, illuminated by moonlight and the soft, yellow light of a lamp, holding a half-empty (no philosophical implications intended) glass of red wine, smiling and turning away from Crowley and the camera, hence the blurriness._ ]

**san trancisco** 🏳️‍🌈 @gayvibesonly  
cute :)

**kugelschreiber** @LI4MDUNBAR  
so aesthetic

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
did u invite him to yours???

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I did. we do that now, u know. he stayed over the night after the apocalypse too

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
oh?

**lio rights** @kingblaiddyd  
was there only one bed??

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@kingblaiddyd_ yes but he didn’t sleep in it cos angels don’t sleep

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
SUCH a wasted opportunity

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
AND?????

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
and what

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
no I did not snog him against that window BUT

I sorta kinda might have a plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted a [doctor who twitter fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22119541/chapters/52795021) set in the same universe!!! and this time crowley is the lurker! so if you like dw (and ik there's plenty of you here 😉) check it out!


	14. fuck me yourself u coward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the cameos in the last chapter were villanelle from killing eve (@villanelle) and dhawan!master from doctor who (@HorizonWatcher) except he's pretending to be an MI6 spy cos it's 2018 and he doesn't reveal himself until 2019? 2020? they didn't actually specify 😅

**@anathema_d → @tea_and_scones**

someone’s in trouble 😏😏

~they’re onto you, aziraphale~

I _know_ , Anathema. I must say  
I underestimated the humans  
somewhat.

I’d say I told u so but…

But Crowley knows nothing, so  
it’s all good and well.

right.

If that’s all? Have a good day!

sure, yeah, thanks. u too 🙂

* * *

**lord of files** @Dagon  
update: hell is hell. still hate crowley. someone stole my spicy seaweed salad and im outRAGED

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
stab them

**lord of files** @Dagon  
would if I knew who it was,, 😒

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
stab everyone then, at least there’ll be less annoying demons to deal with

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
For once I agree with you.

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
*fewer.

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
fuck ofF

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Fuck you.

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
fuck me yourself u coward

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  


**monica** @moneyca  
👏👏👏

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
they won’t tell u this at the mosque

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
Sunday school is a lie

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
EXCUSE ME??? HOW DARE YOU!!! _@beelzebub_

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
c o w a r d

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
also crowley is so dumb that bookworm person is obviously the angel and he’s trolling him

**lord of files** @Dagon  
would make a good demon tbh

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I beg your pardon, I did not help stop the Apocalypse only for that to be said about me.

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
You did survive Hellfire…

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
it’s reaL ITS-

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Still! And delete thread, please.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
#rip stan lee. you will be missed

**san trancisco** 🏳️‍🌈 @gayvibesonly  
we’ve lost a legend 😭😭😭😭😭😭

**monica** @moneyca  
#rip _@TheRealStanLee_ & his marvel cameos :’(

**gayvengers** @AceRavenclaw  
I still can’t believe this

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
 _@ajcrowley_ did u know him?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@kara_thomps_ not personally, no. but I can tell u that at least he didn’t end up Down There

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
Oh? Do you know which famous ppl went to heaven and to hell??????

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@cannoli_oli_ yes I do. but I won’t tell u, ask the boss if u really have to know

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
is this Revenge

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I was gonna say no, but u know what,

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
yes. fitting revenge.

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
well, guess I’ll be the one to say elvis is alive then

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
even my snake is conspiring against me now  
[ _Video of Antoinette on the kitchen counter in Crowley’s flat, hissing and bobbing her head as if talking. She is still wearing a jumper. There are more hissing sounds coming from behind the camera._ ]

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
translation pls? we’re not parselmouths here :’)

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
“WE’RE NOT PARSELMOUTHS HERE”

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
antoinette: I’ve known u for a month but I’ve had enough and if u don’t tell angel soon I will do it for u, u walking panic noodle  
me: yes I KNOW im a walking panic noodle but I WONT allow u to blow the whistle on me behind my BACK i WILL tell him

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
sdknsjdnj

**stabby stab** @lowkeyagod  
oof your snake is sassy. I like her

**gayvengers** @AceRavenclaw  
ahaha what

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
WOAH are u really talking to a snake like in harry potter???

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
yup, someone definitely IS a parselmouth

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
will u though _@ajcrowley_

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
oi, said I had a plan, didn’t i? involves something I’ve been meaning to give him for centuries but never got round actually doing it, a good dinner cos cmon, it’s aziraphale, some alcohol, idk? but yule is the time!

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
that’s. that’s a month from now

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
what about “immortal” have u not understood exactly? we’ve got nothing but time :’))

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
dude ur stalling

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
fine, yes, I’ve still got to think it through

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
aww you’re trying to be romantic 💞

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
a demon??? romantic???? absolutely YEA my demon-ness stats have been low lately

**lord of files** @Dagon  
yeah we had absolutely NO idea AT ALL 

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
not the answer I expected but fuck I-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> crowley: hhhhhh aziraphale is so beautiful and clever and he's the love of my life and the only person worth living and saving earth for  
> antoinette: *looks into the camera* I did not sign up for this  
> aziraphale: I love crowley so very much, you know? oh, he's a wonderful demon. he's kind, even if he won't admit it, and he's been making me happy for so long, risking everything for me, waiting for me...  
> antoinette: *looks into the camera* ONE OF THESE DAYS-
> 
> (I've just got an idea of a sitcom kind of thing told from antoinette's pov. hmm 🤔) (if someone wants to write it please do!!!!)


	15. that's Crowley's og kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you recognised @warlocking as warlock, well done! here's one where they catch up :)

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
went through _@ajcrowley_ ’s profile. im like 98% sure he was my nanny till july

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
waaaaaaaait is this warlock? warlock dowling??? aren’t u a little young to be on twitter

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
aren’t u a little old to be quoting phineas and ferb

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
u didn’t complain when u made me watch 10 episodes in a row almost every day

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
so it IS you (≖_≖ )

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I- well- yes. I’m sure u have lots of questions…? 😅

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
I mean if ur a real demon that explains a LOT so not really lol just. y

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
we might’ve thought u were the antichrist who was supposed to end the world so we thought we’d influence u to be neutral but then it turned out the babies were swapped all wrong so the antichrist was a different kid from tadfield

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
“u will grind the world under ur heel” and “u must have love and reverence for all creatures and not ever destroy the world”. riiight. its not cool tho to lie like that and then just. disappear

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
pls don’t EVER be an influencer. you’d suck at it

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  


**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
this just in: billions-year-old demon roasted by an 11-year-old

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
shut uP

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
also hey _@warlocking_. cool name. I’m friends with the actual antichrist so if u ever wanna talk, hmu

**Connor** @28connor  
Wtf just happened here

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
that’s Crowley’s og kid 👀

**All Hail Satan** @berlingothbabe  
is he really named Warlock bc. goals

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
thanks I hate it and I hate my parents too

and 1 more thing _@ajcrowley_ I bloody KNEW there was smth bw u and the gardener I KNEW it

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
ummmm

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
not just their og kid. the og shipper 😄😄

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
update: aziraphale and I met up with warlock and explained shit to him. it got me wondering why adults can’t be accepting of facts as 11-year-olds. honestly, u tell him u can do actual magic and can change genders like socks and he goes, ok but dinosaurs are dumb right??  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
he’s right. they’re fake. the governments are lying to u  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
but I digress. when he saw antoinette he put his phone down to snuggle a snek and that’s my kid alright. even if he’s not the antichrist, we still cared for him more than his actual parents and yeah I admit we disappeared for a bit but in the light of recent events:  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I’m still his parent cos I said so  
[ _A selfie of Crowley, Aziraphale, and Warlock at the bookshop. Antoinette is draped around the boy’s shoulders. Aziraphale is beaming, Crowley is making a purposefully exaggerated duckface, and Warlock is embarrassed._ ]

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
😜😜😜😜

**thank you mr crowley** @LukeBatkins  
😭😭😭 amazing

**josh** @pastaforlyfe  
we need more #GuardianDemon

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
that FACE

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Adorable 😊

**conspiracy theories are my jam** @olgoi_khorkhoi  
😮🦕🦖 HEAR THIS PEOPLE?! DINOSAURS ARE FAKE 🦖🦕😮

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
no one’s gonna believe u tho mate

🍕 **pizza** 🍕 @pepperony  
what #TwitterCryptids say is true tho we all know it

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
we don’t question it anymore cos we’re too deep lmao but idk, mr pizza

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
well, this one actually IS true

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
haha… sure mr devil man

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
well ANYHOW I agree about 11yos being just a Force of Nature and completely unmoved by everything, u should see trixie and her devil stepdad

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
he what now

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
lucifer and her mom are dating didn’t u know

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
NO 🤯🤯🤯🤯

**lord of files** @Dagon  
if u exploded for real im not giving u a new body

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
no need to worry ur little fish head im not going anywhere :)

**lord of files** @Dagon  
pity

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
when it’s not just some sleazy bastard employee that betrays u but also the boss himself 😑

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
oi

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
like you said, I’m the boss. that means I can do whatever the heaven I please. 😏😇

**lord of files** @Dagon  
we should all just say fuck it and do whatever at this point

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
excellent idea.

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
cool I could use the company of some real demons who can DRINK up here

**lord of files** @Dagon  
fucking DONE

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Wait, Satan is rebelling? Again? Yeesh, what did he do?

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
apparently he’s in a relationship with a… human

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
yes. she’s the best partner I could ask for. she changed my views of earth and humans and helped me see everything in a different light. and she accepts me as I am. you should learn.

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Ugh

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
yeah. ugh

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  



	16. u guys can't chill. honestly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a bit late, sorry. but the next one will be up tomorrow!

**lord of files** @Dagon  
gotta admit the boss has got the quite the place up on earth  
[ _Image of Lucifer and Mazikeen sitting by a table at his club, LUX, with four empty bottles in front of them. Lucifer is grinning and giving the person behind the camera—Dagon—a thumbs up._ ]

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
are u SERIOUSLY partying with satan himself and the head torturer on earth right now… WITHOUT ME?????!!!!

**lord of files** @Dagon  
yes

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
top 10 anime betrayals

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
u stay out of it, fake antichrist

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
beelzy! by all means, come along, just try not to murder any humans or bring all of hell up here. if I wanted to hang out with demons, I’d have stayed downstairs >:)

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
What are you doing now then, huh?

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
why, drinking with my only sane brother, my friend, and one overworked employee who really needs a holiday

**Amen** **👼🏿** @amenadiel  
Come, brother, maybe you’ll see how fascinating Earth is and how demons aren’t as bad as we think

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
a bunch of angels and demons walk into a human bar owned by the devil-

**lord of files** @Dagon  
listen serpent, u think ur so much smarter than us and some kind of a special vip or what, surviving holy water and getting away with killing ligur with it, but all u did was cause tenfold the chaos as usual and hell is fucking MESS cos of u. and what do u do? fuck right off.  
|  
 **lord of files** @Dagon  
we have no earth agent now, no war, a TONNE of paperwork, no one’s WORKING, it’s all on me!!! I deserve a fucking RAISE for putting up with it, but naaaaaaaah, why bother? so yeah, I went to that club, and im COMPLAINING

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
wait, you KILLED someone? damn, didn’t think you had the guts. well done, crowley

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
well d- seriously? he obliterated a demon! with holy water!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
they were trying to kill me first, so,

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
so? hastur and ligur were basic bitches, no one liked them. he was standing up for himself. or did u forget how hell worked when u took over after lucifer left

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
yes, what a big deal! I should have YOU punished for holding that trial without notifying me, you know.

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
we thought you’d… agree

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
then you don’t really know me, do you? and actually, don’t come, you’ve just reminded me why I don’t like you. again :)

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Ha! Suck it, demon.

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
suck it yourself :)

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Hey!

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
Actually, we did do the same thing they did: didn’t consult any of the… higher-ups.

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Well, we don’t know anything though, do we? She’s not talking to us, so what use would there be?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
like, idk being decent people? ur supposed to be better than us but u didn’t even GIVE aziraphale a trial AT ALL. not very angelic, is it? in the old days, well…

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
You shut up!

**Amen** **👼🏿** @amenadiel  
He’s damn well got a point.

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
oh great, now we’re having sibling spats on TWITTER too 🙄

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
u guys can’t chill. honestly

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
the humans seeing this must be SO confused lol. gotta love twitter, it’s the perfect kind of low-grade evil 😁

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
well idk, sometimes it can be pretty high-grade evil too…

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
i… won’t argue with that

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
and y’all are right about the confusion 😅

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
fam u good?

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
that’s the point, we may be fam, but we’re never good

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
and I thought MY fam sucked

**Connor** @28connor  
Question: do we want the Gabriel and Beelzebub people to be together too or 👀

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
yes to all the angel/demon romance ofc

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
unrelated but ur @ made me realise smth. THERE’S A DEMON CROWLEY ON SUPERNATURAL

**panana** @ahsokaaaa  
😮😮😮😮

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
I-

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
*squints* is this roleplay

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
heck u made us all doubt again

**lurker** @Noideasfornames  
haha it’s a coincidence though right… unless…?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
1) NO WE DON’T  
2) yes there is but it’s pronounced differently AND he’s obviously based on me pff I existed first

**jungkook’s ho** @m_agdalena  
omG

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
do they KNOW YOU??

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
did. did the spn writers make an actual deal with a demon. IS AN ACTUAL DEMON TELLING THEM HOW IT WORKS

**Connor** @28connor  
Wait… how’s your name pronounced ?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@28connor_ crow-ley. like the bird

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@winchesterfann_ obviously not. humans can’t become demons for a start. and hell doesn’t look like that AT ALL. and there’s no cage in hell. u don’t need vessels to exist on earth, u get assigned a body. holy water will kill a demon. we have physical wings. I could go on

**panana** @ahsokaaaa  
lmao _@ajcrowley_ watched the show

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
I know I know I kn-

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
obviously. I like to watch stuff about angels and/or demons and criticise the inaccuracies

* * *

**@beelzebub → @ArchangelGabriel**

we screwed up, didn’t we

I… yeah.

AND we’re screwed

Why are you texting me?

fucked if I know

ur a big vain idiot bird but u get  
it

Do not INSULT ME, demon!

or WHAT

I’ll come down and smite you.

well I find that hard to believe  
but ok

What? You don’t think I don’t  
have the guts to fight you? I’ve  
been aching for war for thousands  
of years, and they had to go and  
prevent it!

You just don’t want me to quench  
your pathetic little life. You’re  
the scared one.

exCUSE ME????

I’m a prince of hell u moron i’ll  
fight u and I’ll WIN

Ok. Sure.

COWARD

u say one thing…

I am NOT a coward. Name a  
place and time.

the woods near tadfield, half an  
hour. symbolic, no?

Prepare for a really long  
discorporation paperwork queue  
then 😏

no u 😁

what ill do is bring snacks and  
watch u humiliate urself

…what do u think of all that then

You mean…?

I know we can’t have migraines,  
but I feel like I have one  
ANYWAY-

Actually, to Hell with it, why  
don’t we meet right away?

good plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next one will also be focused on crowley & aziraphale again :')
> 
> and here, [I wrote the thing about those two ft. the stonewall riots and pride](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22230652) :)


	17. ill be sleeping for a week send tweet

**lord of files** @Dagon  
is it just me or did beelzebub get some angel d

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
no I didn’t, fuck off

**lord of files** @Dagon  
k

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
I got that angel d discorporated tho 😏

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
well DONE 👏

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
due to reasons beyond my control ill be sleeping for a week send tweet

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
mood

**pika pika** @urvalentine  
what happened???

**charlie’s demons** @charliexxx  
*sips tea* aziraphale related?

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
👀 👀 👀

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
he’s stopped by and brought some angel food cake and 2 bottles of chardoanny and the evenign proceeds normally, right, were talking and he smiles and if I weren’t wearing my shades id be the heart eyes emoji perfosinied but nvm  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
it was like 2 am and he said he wanted to go and I felt bold and told him he coud stay over again? more slow steps right?? and he. he said. no I couldn’t possibly, I have a book errand to run early morning, in denmark actually, and I have to prepare some things yet-  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
bye crowley, see u tomorrow crowley, or maybe the day after that, sure crowley im gonna punch u in the face and smile cos im a clueless angel and dunno what effect I have on u,

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
an unstoppable force (crowley’s pining for aziraphale) meets an immovable object (crowley’s inability to use words)

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
oh no dude you’re the king of bad timing :((

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
p sure it works with aziraphale too 😆

**Q** @efficiencies  
absolutely

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
pfffff killed it

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
said I have a plan didn’t I tho???

**pika pika** @urvalentine  
you do?

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
and we SO believe him 😝

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
to expose or not to expose, that is the question 🤔

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
no, dude, don’t be stupid. this is fun, but that would hurt people and we ain’t that kinda people

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
well idk the longer it goes on the madder they’ll be in the end

**Proper** @PlantMum  
bad idea. you do NOT want to upset a demon

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
yuP

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
if this is about what I think it’s about then absolutely, under NO condition tell him. I’ve been trying to get him to say it himself and he said he will when it’s time, but if u people, who frankly shouldn’t make it your business at all, say smth now, it won’t end well for anyone

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
thank you 🙏

**Q** @efficiencies  
we’ll just be living here with the secret knowledge that the angel is a bit of a bastard and observe the oncoming storm then, eh?

**monica** @moneyca  
sounds like a good way to spend a weekend

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
me: *wakes up*  
me: *sees it’s only been two days*  
me: *has a glass of water and posts this tweet*  
me: okay it’s time to go back to bed 🛌💤

**monica** @moneyca  
what about aziraphale tho?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I’ll go see him the next time, this isn’t unusual

**oui** @TypeTape  
I want this kind of life

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
whatever crowley’s plan is, we’ve officially got a better one :)

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
👍👍👍


	18. o.g omg it's happening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe you noticed I added titles to the chapters? mostly for organising purposes, but yeah. I added them. better now.
> 
> and buckle up, we're getting close to the end...... of pining, anyway :)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
whoops it’s been a month but I’m awake now

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
DUDE

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
#TwitterCryptid IS BACK

**like a matryoshka doll** @villanelle  
so you’re not actually dead :/

**monica** @moneyca  
when ur escaping responsibilities… or feelings…

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
like seriously we thought hell came and got u djhdbdaz also what’s up with ur plan it’s december now??

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
listen I was ASLEEP

what did I miss then eh?

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
More Brexit shite

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
the mary poppins movie 😁

**san trancisco** 🏳️‍🌈@gayvibesonly  
tumblr banned “”female-presenting nipples””

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
my video of shadwell’s commentary on said nipple issue that went viral

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
anathema’s invited aziraphale and me to come to tadfield for lunch. I don’t want to go but aziraphale rly rly does so ofc we’re going… to “catch up”… we’re bringing antoinette and warlock too  
[ _An image of Warlock sitting on the Bentley’s backseat, with Antoinette on the other seat. He is playing with his mobile_.]  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
the kids together are gonna be a Mess I just know it. they’re already menaces as they are but with warlock?? chaos. they’re lucky im a big chaos fan, me 😏  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
aziraphale just yelled at me not to be on my phone while driving like ok calm down I know what I’m doing also he’s adorable

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
hmm, I wonder what’s all that about

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
also ur kid and antoinette keep being cute ur a good demom

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
DEMOM

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
demon mom = demom

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
some of us are too british to think of that but bloody hell it needs to be a thing

**san trancisco** 🏳️‍🌈@gayvibesonly  
ohhh right u spell it with a u

**bellarke is canon** @cheeryontop  
they spell everything with a u skdjsdnhsbfhs

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
yeah we get it u americans are too lazy to write ONE EXTRA LETTER IN WORDS LIKE COLOUR OR TRAVELLER

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
they’re absolutely useless lmao they dont change the pronunciation

***confused cat*** @ratatatat  
no, please, let’s not go there again

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
…like I said, I do love chaos

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I should be used to watching aziraphale eat after all those centuries but the way he’s eating his panna cotta should be illegal

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
crowley every time aziraphale eats: this is pornography

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I- no- what- yeahhh basically

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Disgusting

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
did u not enjoy me eating three packs of vinegar crisps and a chilli chocolate bar when we met in the park

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** @ArchangelGabriel  
I beg your pardon, food is absolutely disgusting, where did you even GET that idea?

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Is that what pornography is?

**Connor** @28connor  
👀👀👀

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
yeah same 👀

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  


**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
knasjabdhsb

**jungkook’s ho** @m_agdalena  
11/10 excellent gif use

**bisaster** @doctormissy  
anyone remember “supernatural has a gif for everything”

**lord of files** @Dagon  
we still dunno WHAT ur up to when u meet @ beelzebub & dumb bird

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
wait it was more than once???

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
there’s a lot to complain about I imagine 😏😁😉

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
It’s not… like that!

**pika pika** @urvalentine  
  
and chill

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
the fukk

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
it’s a big event and yet aziraphale and I ended up being on our own like. what’s the point of inviting us if ur gonna go outside and chat among yourselves and watch a hellhound do tricks??? I’m not complaining though  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
wait

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
????????

**farah** @princessaziz  
did something happen???

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
hang ON

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
didn’t anathema say she had a plan 👀 and wasn’t warlock involved 👀

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@kartoffelsalat_ wait, what????  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
nvm. they’re definitely plotting against us. all of them. conspiring behind our back. my KID. MY SNAKE-

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
betrayed.png

**oui** @TypeTape  
??????????

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
there’s a video snsdnsjjdn what the heaven I’m, no, I’m not ready to face this fuck fuck fuck duck

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
????????? but in bold

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
w h a t

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
did someone

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
o.g omg it’s happening

**no 1 dumbass** @hela_spawn_of_loki  


**Clodo Baggins** @quality_rachni  
Mr Crowley???

**blueee** @Cyanogynist  
he didn’t die for real this time, did he

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
no he turned into a snake… and I’d be wondering whether it wasn’t a bad idea after all if my pendulum hadn’t shown me this would be 90% successful 😅👀

**Amira** **✌** **️** @AwkwardAlienAmira  
????

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
WHAT’S ON THE VIDEO


	19. intervention_montage.mp4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah idk if this is what you expected or not but here we go!

**[intervention_montage.mp4]**

**[duration: 10:49]**

ANATHEMA DEVICE turns on the camcorder, adjusts her glasses, and smiles. She is sitting on the sofa in her living room. Behind her are shelves filled with various objects. The weather is, quite clearly, not very accommodating.

>> ANATHEMA: Hi. This is an intervention. We couldn’t listen to your whining anymore. Yes, both of you. You may be immortal and incredibly wise, but you’re also very, very stupid sometimes, refusing to talk about things like adults. Look at Newt and me; we moved in together after knowing each other for a day.

The camera is suddenly on NEWT PULSIFER. He is sipping tea and balancing an open book in his left hand. He puts his tea down and smiles nervously.

>> NEWT: Hi. That’s true.

We see ANATHEMA DEVICE again.

>> ANATHEMA: So. Crowley, you’ve been in love with Aziraphale for 6000 years. Aziraphale, you’ve been in love with Crowley for at least a thousand. You both know it. We all know it. _How_ do we know, you ask? Two words—well, three. Twitter and texts. You told everyone but each other, and why? For fear of rejection? Punishment from your superiors?

The recording switches to an office environment. In the background, a male voice shouts something about stolen puddings. LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR blinks and moves closer to what seems to be a computer screen. He smiles slyly.

>> LUCIFER: You don’t work for us anymore, and believe me, we’re alright with it. Or I am, anyway, and told you as much. You’ve got nothing to fear from Hell, not as I can yell at Beelzebub and the rest—though I’m sure you would find them being much more understanding these days. Same about Gabriel, I imagine.

Cut back to ANATHEMA DEVICE.

>> ANATHEMA: Or… maybe you’re just afraid. It’s normal—if you’re human. Beating around the bush and dithering about asking your first crush out. But you two are older than our entire _planet_ , and you obviously have no reason to be afraid if what I’ve heard, observed, and read in Agnes’ prophecies is true. You’re like— _soulmates_ if soulmates were a thing.

The screen cuts to black. In a flash, WARLOCK DOWLING is staring into his laptop’s webcam. His hair is even longer than it was in August. The rest of the room isn’t clearly visible behind him.

>> WARLOCK: When I said I knew there was something between you two when you were my nanny and gardener—which is still a bit weird, by the way, but whatever—I meant I _knew_. I was like, eight. It was there then. So why the f— _ork_ aren’t you actually together? Like, that’s so stupid. You adults are so stupid, angel and demon or not. When I fancied Rebecca from school, I just told her, we went to see a movie, and that was that.

WARLOCK DOWLING shakes his head, and then, suddenly, we are inside a completely different child’s bedroom. Somewhat disorganised, with posters on walls and many shelves filled with books and toys. ADAM YOUNG and DOG are sitting on the boy’s large bed.

>> ADAM: I could order the Universe to make you be together. Because you belong together, there’s no doubting that, even if you’re different. And something tells me you were supposed to work it out by now, but you didn’t.

>> ANATHEMA (muffled): That would be grandma God, probably.

>> DOG: [barks]

>> ADAM (laughing): Right. …But I won’t do that, because that would be meddling, and I don’t do that anymore. It wouldn’t be right. So I’m telling you like this, on a video. And please forgive them, yeah? Anathema. She means well. You just won’t know it until it’s over.

It cuts to black again. Instead of a wide-screen film, there is now the tall strip of a mobile phone’s camera. It shows the inside of the backroom of Aziraphale’s bookshop. Somewhat shakily, it moves closer to the ratty old sofa. ANTOINETTE lies curled on top of the backrest.

>> WARLOCK (quietly): So, I don’t know if you can understand me, but anyway, if you have anything to say to your dads, go ahead, because I’m sure you have _all_ the gossip.

ANTOINETTE raises her head and slowly repositions herself. She flicks her tongue and lets out a hiss. Then another. When it becomes clear she is done, WARLOCK DOWLING removes the mobile out of her reach and, somewhat shakily once more, turns it over. It shows his face, grainy in the poor light. He gives a thumbs-up.

>> WARLOCK (whispering): Aziraphale’s coming back with the cocoa now. Hope that was good.

The feed returns to the office from earlier. EVE, CHLOE DECKER, and TRIXIE DECKER are sitting at the desk this time, covering the entire screen.

>> CHLOE: I don’t even know who you are, just that one of you is Lucifer’s sibling and—actually, I’m going to have to ask him to explain how exactly that works again—and that you’re annoying enough to distract him from cases. Yeah. I’m Chloe, by the way, his girlfriend. And partner at work. I’m guessing you know Eve?

>> EVE: Yeah, sure they know me, they’re my oldest friends besides Lucifer!

>> CHLOE: Right. So you’re an angel and a demon, and you’re in love. I think that’s wonderful. My friend Maze and Lucifer’s—your?—brother Amenadiel were together too, for a while, and no one came from Heaven or Hell to smite them, as far as I know. They… defied expectations. So I guess I wanted to tell you that. Don’t be scared of admitting your feelings. I wasted three years not telling Lucifer anything and pulling away and insisting we were friends when… yeah. I know what I’m talking about.

>> EVE: You two. I was your number one fan since the beginning, and you’ve disappointed me with all that hesitation. 6000 years! It’s been clear from the beginning! Come on now. Don’t make me sad.

>> TRIXIE: Well, I just wanted to say hi and thank you for not letting Earth be destroyed. That would really suck. Also, any demon who’s Maze’s friend is my friend, so I drew you a picture!

TRIXIE DECKER picks up a piece of paper from the desk and holds it up in front of the webcam. It’s a picture of an angel with large wings, a halo, and a bow tie around his neck and a demon with red hair, black clothes, and equally large wings, done in the sort of style 10-year-olds usually master. They are holding hands. About thirty seconds later, the recording goes back to ANATHEMA DEVICE and her living room.

>> ANATHEMA: See? Even those people are fed up w— _see it_. And they only know you from Twitter and stories. Also, I decided that I still don’t like Lucifer, but his friends are sort of cool and Trixie really reminds me of myself, growing up. But I digress. We made this short video montage because we’re your friends, and we can’t stand you hurting anymore. We pulled this together in just a week and asked you to come here to show it to you. Because when the easy way doesn’t work…

We are back in ADAM YOUNG’s bedroom.

>> ADAM: If you’re wondering who turned on the telly, that was me.

Now we see ANATHEMA DEVICE again.

>> ANATHEMA: His powers aren’t all gone, as it turns out.

>> NEWT (muffled): It’s slightly disconcerting.

>> ANATHEMA: Anyway. We mean well. You know that, right? You’re not gonna go all angelic vengeance and demonic rage on us, right? Because if you are, we’ve still got the Antichrist on our side. Also, it wouldn’t be a very nice thing to do after all we’ve been through. So—I guess that’s it. _Please_ talk to each other. Because it would be awkward not to after seeing this.

She reaches to switch the camcorder off. After a few seconds of blackness, it turns on again.

>> ANATHEMA: P.S. don’t have sex in my house though. You know. Just in case.

She switches it off again, and this time, it stays off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... we know what's on the video, but not their reactions. haha. I'm very evil. but it's more like crowley-level evil so we're getting that on wednesday!!! please don't yell at me
> 
> jk please do yell at me I love your comments


	20. buckle up. it's storytime.

**monica** @moneyca  
SOMEONE TELL US WHAT’S GOING ON

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
okay, so. before crowley went to sleep and ruined the schedule for us, we came up with a plan and made an intervention video. and by we, I mean me, my bf, adam (antichrist), _@warlocking_ , _@eveofeden_ , _@TheDevilOfLA_ , his gf, her daughter, and ofc antoinette  
|  
 **witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
it’s just us calling them out on their bs for 11 minutes. I filmed it, had the LA people email their bits over, and warlock put it all together cos he’s really good with computers for an 11-year-old  
|  
 **witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
we locked the guilty parties up in the living room. they’re about halfway through. crowley’s turned into a giant snake and aziraphale’s sort of… red in the face. yes, I’m watching through the window

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
INTERVENTION VIDEO

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
fuck fuck fuck yes it’s happening,

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
anathema SNAPPED

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
also I once compared this to notting hill and I was bloody right. this is a romcom. and we’re at the part right before the end where there’s a plot twist and one of them runs away

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
hot take but damn it’s 👌

**pika pika** @urvalentine  
how can someone turn into a giant snake??? what

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
cos he’s the serpent of eden

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
[ _A somewhat unclear image of Anathema’s living room, taken from behind the window. Curtains are getting in the way. However, in the gap between them, there is Aziraphale with his back turned to us, and on the floor lies a black, snake-like lump._ ]

**farah** @princessaziz  
wait, you weren’t kidding about that?

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
like they’d just joke about such thing for months?????

**Connor** @28connor  
:o :o :o

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
hang ON

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
mortals 🙄

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
so, the montage is over

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
they’re just… sitting there

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
what do we do

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
leave them to talk it out and keep live-tweeting it?

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
yes pls!!!

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
give us all the tea, this one’s personal

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
screw that it’s been a minute I’m going inside

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
I’ll get my camera ready. just in case ;)

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
wait. he’s transforming back

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  


**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
DOUBLE WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK???? IS HE- AND AZIRAPHALE-

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
what what what’s goiNG ON NOW??????

**lemon** @Laemon  
IS THERE ANOTHER PLOT TWIST

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
A DIFFERENT KIND OF PLOT TWIST

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
it’s--no, it’s too good, lmaooooo 😂😂😂😂😂 see for urselves  
[ _A video_.]

* * *

**[reactions.mp4]**

**[duration: 1:08]**

A mobile phone camera shows the inside of Jasmine Cottage, namely, the living room. On the sofa sits AZIRAPHALE, notably red-cheeked and wide-eyed. In the middle of the carpet lies a black snake. It is actually the demon CROWLEY. ANATHEMA DEVICE and NEWT PULSIFER hover on the edge of the shot. She is holding her phone. Everyone is silent, unmoving.

Then CROWLEY transforms back into human form and bursts out laughing. AZIRAPHALE blinks and gives him a disapproving look. He doesn’t appear quite so flabbergasted anymore. ANATHEMA DEVICE raises and eyebrow; NEWT PULSIFER looks around in confusion.

>> WARLOCK (muffled): What the heck’s going on?

>> CROWLEY: I gotta admit, this is—this—good plan, guys, really. Very demonic. Appreciate the effort. It’s just that—guys—y—you needn’t have bothered, really, I mean.

>> AZIRAPHALE: We’ve already talked about it and figured everything out.

CROWLEY saunters up to AZIRAPHALE. He takes his hand, and the angel smiles up at him.

>> CROWLEY: I bet you’re confused. Yeahhh. _Look_ at those faces. D’you see it, Aziraphale? Oh, Warlock’s filming it, well done! You thought you got us, but— _we_ got _you_. Aha!

>> AZIRAPHALE: We—what’s the expression?

>> CROWLEY: Pranked you. And Twitter. This is a prank. Antoinette told us when she saw that we—ohh, don’t look so glum! We’re being very clever here.

>> ANATHEMA: I’m sorry, _what?_ How long?

>> CROWLEY: The day I woke up from my month-long nap.

>> AZIRAPHALE: It’s a rather long story, I’m afraid.

* * *

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
what??? I didn’t see that coming at all

***confused cat*** @ratatatat  
what do they mean PRANKED did he FAKE THAT PANIC???

**panana** @ahsokaaaa  
everything is a lie

**in your dream** @cannoli_oli  
HOW did they-

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
but, but *sniffles* THEY FIGURED IT OUT

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
OUR PARENTS

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
hi guys. buckle up. it’s storytime. and btw I’m still a walking keysmash about it so don’t @ me  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
so u know how I accidentally took a nap that was a bit longer than anticipated? welllllll turned out that u weren’t wrong about a certain angel giving me clues… and he realised he’d fucked up that time he refused to stay the night and came over when I was asleep  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
I woke up immediately after he opened the door but I, being a sly bastard, pretended to be asleep cos I wanted to hear what he was about to say or whatever he was about to do, anyway. after a while of dithering, he sat on the bed (!!!!!!) and started talking.  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
he was worried about me, the sop, going back to this row we had in the 19th century, after which I spent decades asleep and comparing the events. he… wasn’t wrong, it did hurt me a bit, I mean, I said so much… but, fuck, it was just. something.  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
he told me- he said everything. well, not everything, but. a full-on bloody angelic love confession. and I’m not tearing up right now, tyvm. he, AZIRAPHALE, told ME, a DEMON, ME, that he- that- DECADES AND DECADES.  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
also said he was going to tell me everything when he came back from his little book errand in denmark but couldn’t cos I went all sulky and went to sleep. blamed ME, too, but ehhh he’s forgiven. he was vague on the detail as to why only then but… w/e. don’t dwell on details  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
I suspect it’s the bosses LURKING ABOUT. and my dumb fucking arse. I admit it. guilty as charged. I really didn’t see those clues. I mean, we held hands, sure, but- I’m going on a panic tangent here again and I’m gonna go right back  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
so yeah. I rolled over and opened my eyes and fucking beamed at him like an idiot and HA! GOT YOU! NOT ASLEEP! BTW I LOVE YOU TOO! AND THIS WAS MY PLAN ALL ALONG YOU SEE I’M A CLEVER DEMON AND WHY SHOULD I DO ALL THE HEAVY LIFTING EH???  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
(it wasn’t. obviously. but I’m excellent at improv)  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
KISSING ENSUED KDJSFNHSFBSH  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
anyway. antoinette’s one impatient snake so I ratted out everything--pun intended, I was just feeding her a rat--and SHE ratted out ANATHEMA’S plan cos I raise her WELL and aziraphale wanted to put a stop to it BUT I said angel NO this is an OPPORTUNITY  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
btw what she said on the video was, roughly translated, “stupid walking noodles get it together”  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
right genius, me. pranking EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE 😁😁😁 go back and read the tweets. u’ll crack up. yes I faked the panic. and turning into a snake. and aziraphale faked being shocked cos u can’t hang around shakespeare and not pick up a few things  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
bloody hell I love him sm kadnhjsbhsbfhs  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
so. here we are. WE ARE D A T I N G N O W I think I’ll die bye  


**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  


**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  


**Kacey** @2001kaykay  


**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
are u SERIOUS right now 😭😭😭😭

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
good prank people. good prank. I’m speechless aknjsdns

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
still shooketh, happy that aziraphale STEPPED UP 👀

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA

**monica** @moneyca  
aaaaaaaaaaáááááááááááÁÁÁÁÁ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to keep this secret for so long skdnjsnhjs but now the ~~CAT~~ SNAKE IS OUT OF THE BAG!!!!! 
> 
> ~yell at me. then please come back to this once you're calm.~
> 
> I want to do a bit of Q&A for the next chapter (posted on saturday), so if you have **questions that you'd like to ask them, like them to answer, please ask!!!!** they can be about whatever, however stupid, directed at anyone. kind of like when people asked crowley things in chapter 3. ❤️


	21. anyone got any questions?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is longer than anticipated! but I'm sure no one here minds :') and thanks for the questions!
> 
> next update on tuesday c:

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
I’ve got nothing to do rn so erm. anyone got any questions? even for aziraphale I guess cos I’m at the bookshop

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
what’s it like now that you’ve confessed your love for each other and everything?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@anathema_d_ exactly the same as before but I’m allowed to kiss him whenever I want now!!!! and I do it a lot!!!! also cudlesssssss

**Been to hell and back** @JohnnyConstantine  
Have you shagged yet then, eh?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@JohnnyConstantine_ ofc you’d ask that. and no we haven’t. would be too much to handle at once sdnsjfsfjf

**Proper** @PlantMum  
how’s Antoinette? how is she dealing with the change?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@PlantMum_ she’s dozing around a ficus at home I’d bet, as smug as a snake can get

**farah** @princessaziz  
what’s your relationship to other snakes? are they your fellows? siblings? subordinates?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@princessaziz_ hmmm. I’d say fellows but I can make them do what I want them to do (usually) (looking at you antoinette) and they respect me kinda like a parent because I’m The Snake™

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
soooo can you shift into any other animal besides a snake? does aziraphale have an animal form on that note?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@smol_potato_ every angel and demon has only one animal form, so no, I can’t. I can control the size of my snake form though. and yeah, as I said, every angel and demon has one, so even aziraphale, even though it’s been centuries since I’ve seen it. he’s a swan

**Q** @efficiencies  
oh, that makes a lot of sense actually

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
right???? beautiful, majestic and cute but also a bastard,,,

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@anitamamacita_ oi don’t insult him! only I can do that! but true

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
DOES IT FEEL GOOD TO DRINK ALL OF THAT DUMB JUICE

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@peteyboiii_ drink? depends on the brand. be drunk and feel sort of blurry around the edges? definitely. what comes after? no sir. but good thing we can miracle hangovers away

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
U WHAT

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
yeah. we can do miracles. awesome business. but now that I mention it I’m curious why can demons still do them when it’s an angel thing. but im not complaining

**monica** @moneyca  
so cool

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
so that’s how aziraphale fixed my bike, added gears and then removed them again when I noticed

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
humans aren’t supposed to notice it but he always gets carried away……

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
what’s he doing now 👀

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@ellatheawesomestcsi_ making tea and fussing over smth in the excuse for a kitchen he’s got here. wearing only one layer and rolled up sleeves I’m

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
demon crowley, serpent of eden, are the rumours that you are a pine tree in sunglasses true?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@mjjjohn_ what rumours? is that my internet rep now? just cos I wear sunglasses and used to pine hard for my angel-

well. not anymore, am I? 😁

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
well, that’s debatable, knowing you, the pining and panic hardly went away

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
SHUT UP SATAN

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** **🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
oh to have the balls to tell literal satan to shut up

**my lipstick is more powerful than you** **💄** @queenbitchizzy  
my brother’s husband did once

**so fab(i)ulous** ✨ @baneofyourexistence  
I did, but then again, he’s my uncle.

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
and I still remember it. hello, magnus, it’s been at least half a century!

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
wait, who are you people? _@queenbitchizzy @baneofyourexistence_

**so fab(i)ulous** ✨ @baneofyourexistence  
I’m Magnus, the son of Asmodeus, and I’m a warlock. Also over 800 years old. That’s my husband’s sister, Izzy, they kill bad demons

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
cool. I’m anathema. I’m a witch. please don’t kill crowley

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
nah I’m his uncle too he wouldn’t

**Connor** @28connor  
There are MORE demon-adjacent people??????

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
funny

**my lipstick is more powerful than you** **💄** @queenbitchizzy  
yes, there are. and I’ve got a question for Anathema actually: how’s it going with your bf?

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
I remember when you joke-asked me to marry you, don’t think I don’t. but it’s going well actually. he’s kinda like a cat, will break anything that can be broken but is absolutely sweet and adorable and loves to cuddle

**panana** @ahsokaaaa  
LIKE A CAT

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
like a witch’s familiar 😁

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
shut up.

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
…seriously DID shane & ryan ever reply to any of this cos. WE’RE PROVING IT’S REAL OVER HERE (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
shhhh calm down

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
so anyway _@ajcrowley_ did you and aziraphale ever get into any actual Holy Fights™ because of the angel/demon thing in the beginning?

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@haleyscometh_ first of all, it’s HALLEY’S COMET ik u know that but as the former architect of space it’s always bothered me

secondly, well, if you mean against each other than no, we were friends from the get-go even if he didn’t want to admit that for literal millennia 😉  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
but against other angels and demons, well, yeah. there’s been a lot of that in the bcs, you couldn’t avoid it. sodom and gomorrah for instance… urghh. let’s not talk about it

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
speaking of angels and demons, do you think Beelzebub and Gabriel are dating??

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@pepperony_ I do NOT want to think about it. fuck I hope not

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
You and I both…

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
dating is for mortals

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
that wasn’t a no 👀

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
NO. won’t even get on his knees for me

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
*spits out tea*

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
guess you’ve got his attention now so aziraphale, what’s the funniest mishap you’ve seen happen to crowley? and no cheating, give him the question :)

**danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
 _@anne_marie_green_ that’s not FAIR but ok I’m a demon of my honour  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
fuck I remember that one and it was NOT FUNNY ANGEL but fine. we were in india once, early 2000s, and staying at this tiny house, right, and I was lounging about as I do and suddenly a BIG spider showed up right in front of my face. now I’ve got nothing against spiders per se but  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
I was tired, ok? tired. and I freaked out. like a lot. my wings fwooshed out, all four, and it gave me so much whiplash I knocked the divan, the coffee table, his stack of books and whatnot over and fell on the floor in a rather undignified manner and then I couldn’t get up  
|  
 **danger noodle** **🐍** @ajcrowley  
cos my wings are HUGE. and he was laughing at me and didn’t help, bastard, and the spider was doing its own equivalent of laughing too. so there. happy?

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
sldmjsbcfsd good to know even a demon will freak out about a spider WE NOT ALONE

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
heck I hate spiders I feel

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
excuse FOUR wings???

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@ellatheawesomestcsi_ yeah uh. different types of angels have a different number of pairs of wings. more wings = higher rank. seraphim, the highest, have three

**All Hail Satan** @berlingothbabe  
So who were you before the Fall?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@berlingothbabe_ nope, that’s the #1 no-no question, bye

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
 _@berlingothbabe_ he’s my brother and gave up his rank after the fall. and you fucked up a perfectly good demon is what you did. look at him. he’s got anxiety

**All Hail Satan** @berlingothbabe  
SATAN REPLIED TO ME. WITH A MEME

**monica** @moneyca  
well done, you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **mini fic rec** cos these two amazing fics aren't getting nearly as much recognition as they deserve, and they deserve a lot!!! both are wips but for the big bang so they'll 100% be finished :)
> 
> [Panem et Circenses](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22290349/chapters/53234683) by littleblackfox: different meeting au. they're still an angel and a demon, but... at the great british bake-off!  
> [The Whole Damn World Seemed Upside Down](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22287982/chapters/53228713) by WyvernQuill; just trust me on this one.
> 
> and then do yourselves a favour and read everything by WyvernQuill if you haven't. please.


	22. op you can cook??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we had halloween on christmas, now we have christmastime at the end of january. yay!
> 
> also, the estimated number of chapters is 30–40 right now. I probably won't do more than that, but there will hopefully still be plenty to come!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
*sits at table with hand propping chin* it’s here. the christmas nonsense. aziraphale is going full festive and soon he’ll be whistling carols under his breath and decorating my flat. satan help me

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
I would, but alas I’m caught up in christmas nonsense of my own

**Proper** @PlantMum  
are you one of those people who hate Christmas with a burning passion, Mr Crowley?

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
I mean imagine a demon celebrating it skdmnsjnfhs

**farah** @princessaziz  
let’s grab all muslims, jews, christmas haters and whoever else and ignore it together 💪🏽

**Amira** **✌** **️** @AwkwardAlienAmira  
I like your plan

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
im only in it for the eggnog. and the kid

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
ur a good demon aunt

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@PlantMum_ it’s more like, I’ve been there when it all happened, y’know? jesus wasn’t even born in december, that’s all heaven propaganda, snuffing out pagan traditions. and aziraphale knows this. that’s why I don’t get why he always wants to celebrate it

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
ikr??? it’s just so. commercial. hell must have a feast

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
we do. humans sin a lot more in december than any other month, it’s statistics 😈

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** @ArchangelGabriel  
They’re also more virtuous, and we do approve a lot of miracles at Christmastime. Statistics.

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
but we commercialised it, we win

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
You know what-

**lord of files** @Dagon  
fuck’s sake go have your foreplay somewhere else

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
yes, pls do, thank you

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
anyway guess I’ll go bake some bloody gingerbread cos my love for aziraphale can never be outweighed by my disdain for christmas and just seeing his face when I give him food is enough. also he can’t cook for shit but that wouldn’t stop him from trying…

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
MOOD

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
op you can cook??

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@pepperony_ yeahh it was sort of inevitable after knowing aziraphale for longer than 2000 years. also I might or might not have inspired gordon ramsay to start his shows

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
HELL’S KITCHEN

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
behold, The Face  
[ _An image of Aziraphale, holding a metal box the inside of which can’t be seen, but it most likely contains gingerbread angels or other biscuits of the like. Aziraphale is holding it like the most precious thing in the world and giving Crowley an adoring, honest look._ ]

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
u can FEEL the love

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
aww

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
Excuse me, HOW could you not see he’s in love with you if he gave you that look every time you brought him food, exactly?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@eve_moneypants_ BECAUSE IM AN IDIOT

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
I know that feeling

**lexie** @lexieconextreme  
so what did you give him then?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@lexieconextreme_ an assortment of “christmas” biscuits he loves. my favourites are the dark chocolate and chilli ones and the arabica coffee ones

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Sounds to me like you should try for the bake-off 😊

**Proper** @PlantMum  
totally!

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
he LOVES that show and in fact has told me that once but no I mean I’d probably fuck up, u don’t know what I’m like, it’s- u flatter me but nah

**Q** @efficiencies  
well, if you ever do, I know who to root for

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
when is he gonna figure it out 🤦‍♂️

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
he won’t

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
it’s still a bloody telenovela

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
rec me some tv series for when I’m bored

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
if you like the good place, watch miracle workers. starts in february :)

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
the young pope. SLAPS

**All Hail Satan** @berlingothbabe  
Dominion. has angels and humans fighting. or maybe that’s a bad idea

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
bones. and castle. and hannibal. all the detectiving stuff with a person’s name in the title!

**Connor** @28connor  
GAME OF THRONES

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
everyone has seen game of thrones. but thanks guys. I’ll put it on my netflix queue when I get home

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
ur still at the bookshop?

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@lesbill_ wrong, I’m in the flat above the bookshop, it’s less of a festive mess. also there’s a bed, so there’s that ;)

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
kinky

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
if you mean aziraphale reading and me lying there curled up on his chest listening to him read, then yes, very


	23. I aspire to be this gay and this adorable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for randomly disappearing for a week :') I went somewhere the wifi don't reach and I meant to give a heads-up but then I got caught up writing another fic and didn't manage an update last thursday. also, I've got classes again as of next week, so the updates will be less frequent I imagine.

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
behold, one of the worst tragedies of humanity, a true insult to the fashion industry, a popular punishment for fashionista types in hell, a total disgrace I was FORCED to put on by my snake and aziraphale’s pouty face: Ugly Christmas Jumpers™  
[ _An image of Aziraphale and Crowley standing in front of a wall-length mirror. They are both wearing terribly colourful fluffy jumpers, adorned with little angels and little demons, respectively, and snow and suchlike. Antoinette sits nestled in Aziraphale’s arms. He is beaming. Crowley is frowning and very much displeased with the situation, which is obvious even despite his sunglasses._ ]  
|  
 **d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
they were in the post btw. merry bloody christmas

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
awwwww :) they’re so ugly I want to wash my eyes with bleach

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
lmaooo

**oui** @TypeTape  
the angels and demons!!!

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
is antoinette wearing a matching one???

**monica** @moneyca  
clearly ksdndjsfndhs

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
who sent them though 👀

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@anitamamacita_ *sigh* the antichrist

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
I am APPALLED that my son would do that, jesus christ

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
see even the DEVIL sees it

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
…do they rly make designers and stuff wear ugly christmas sweaters in hell

**lord of files** @Dagon  
yes

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
all things aside u look so cute together 😍

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
gayyyyy

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
I aspire to be this gay and this adorable

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
fuck yeah mate

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
like. after all this time it’s almost unbelieVABLE

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I mean… yeah

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
so… have I ever told u how much of a weirdo aziraphale is? but in a where-would-i-be-without-his-quirks way  
|  
 **d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
like. he’s been wearing the same coat for 180 ish years. every day. I mean SHERLOCK HOLMES has like 7 of the same coat but aziraphale has the ONE. and he takes care of it like the most prized thing ever, it’s so ridiculous, I’ll never get him to buy a new one at this point  
|  
 **d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
he’s generally rubbish with modern tech too. sure, he’s got a computer but it’s an ibm he’s had since the 80s and there are probably spiders inside. he doesn’t even know music past the 30s and he smote a kindle out of existence once. he’s the sole reason I still have an ANSAPHONE  
|  
 **d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
and see this. back when telephones were becoming a thing and I got him one and gave him my number, he had no idea what to do with it so he. found an occult book of sorts and. called my number from a summoning circle. and it WORKED  
|  
 **d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
he also thinks you’re a personal offence to him when you say you don’t read books. I’d know cos I don’t read books. but he forgives me cos I’m me, obviously. and he collects bibles with misprints ((they usually include bits about us but shhh)) and prophecies  
|  
 **d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
tbh I don’t read books cos I don’t have the attention span but. yeah. love it when he reads to me  
|  
 **d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
anyway I needed a distraction from watching him bless all the carollers and sing old songs with them. too much for a demon like me to handle kcmkcncvmsk I almost feel like a victorian maiden about to faint

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
he called u from a summoning circle? wtf that’s so badass

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
what a mood @ last tweet

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
o no hes still a gay panic noodleeeee

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
so what’s it like, being an immortal with adhd, eh?

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
… no one has asked me that before _@carmenekwensi_. and it’s chaotic thanks try living this long and… I forgot what I was about to say

case in point

**Proper** @PlantMum  
you actually make a lot of sense now, now that I’m thinking about it

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
fuck I can’t imagine-

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
it’s a lottery as to what I remember and what I don’t but it’s also cool cos I have infinite time to get shit done?? if u know what I mean

**bisaster** @doctormissy  
lucky,

**always a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
omg how are u handling being without a job??

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I get bored a lot tbh but NOW I CAN SPEND MY TIME WITH AZIRAPHALE AND HE WON’T GET RID OF MEEEEEE

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
hey crowley, if u ever need smth for an unemployed demon to do anyway, try bounty hunting or bartending, take it from me, i did both

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
and I never said this but u weren’t half a bad nanny

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I should probably get offended at that but nahhhhh youre my hellspawn

also I’m already the guardian demon of half the kids on the planet in case u didn’t notice

**sempiternal** @SalicylicAcid  
s o f t

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
shut up

**Connor** @28connor  
*chuckles about Aziraphale being “rubbish with modern tech”*

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
ehehehe

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
*thinks about that one time we skyped about books and puerto rican cuisine*

**Q** @efficiencies  
it’s always the ones you don’t suspect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit for the telephone incident goes to [this tumblr post](https://crowleyaj.tumblr.com/post/190484184220/wearethewitches-not-a-space-alien) and wearethewitches, who gave me the prompt!
> 
> also, it's shameless self-promo time:
> 
> I wrote a fic about [a bit of a different reunion with warlock](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22483228), and remember the antoinette pov thing I mentioned earlier? well, [I wrote that too](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22577164)! please please read that one, I promise it's funny (〃 ω 〃)


	24. demons are MEMELORDS confirmed

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
i am haunted by worms on strings

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
elaborate?

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
no

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
do you know the feeling when four 11-year-olds who sort of adopted you randomly come barging into your house at 8 am to show off what they got for xmas and give you leftover biscuits and an ex-hellhound jumps into your bed and it wakes up and scares your boyfriend  
|  
 **witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
who immediately falls out of bed and hits his head cause apparently that’s one of his talents and you sit there blinking like an owl and not knowing whether to laugh or yell at someone or have a biscuit--cause apparently that’s what we’re calling them now?  
  


 **vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
that’s very specific are u ok

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
i don’t know what to focus on first sjskksks

**monica** @moneyca  
4 11-year-olds who sort of adopted you??

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
adam and his friends 😁 we’re in touch now

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@anathema_d_ can’t say I have

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
trixie’s 10, she was alone, and my gf was the one woken up but actually i do know the feeling

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
huh

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
huh. so alike and yet so different _@mazikeen_

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
im certainly less of a dumbass

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
oiiii

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
anyway I’m gonna go scroll thru some memes about the good old us of a to get over the shock of going native and to be sorry for y’all stuck there

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
*salutes* thx

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
random demon #428: the leaking pipes ruined all my paperwork and now i have to start again!!!

me: this is so sad hell-loop play despacito

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
fun fact: hell loops playing despacito on, well, a loop do exist

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
exactly

**lord of files** @Dagon  
bahahahahha

***confused cat*** @ratatatat  
lord of flies more like lord of memes kdjnasas

**Connor** @28connor  
petition to change it to that

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
signed

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
fuck off

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** @ArchangelGabriel  
I have no clue what’s going on.

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
oh do u want to be educated

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Yes?

**Lord of Flies** @beelzebub  
🤦‍♂️ why the FUCK do I put up with u

**lord of files** @Dagon  
u like a dumbass

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
did I ask for your fucking opinion

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
aHA

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
demons are MEMELORDS confirmed

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
wait so ARE they shagging each other or

**lord of files** @Dagon  
what do u THINK

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
well done, brother, prince beelzebub

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
H Y P O C R I T E S also what the fuc k now I won’t be able to get that image out of my head-

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
Hi! Warlock convinced me to get twitter so here I am I guess

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
😳 oh no

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
yep, I share that sentiment

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
😏😏😏😏


	25. Happy new year!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I didn't update, I meant to do it yesterday but I was really tired so I went to bed instead of writing. I wrote this at 8:30 am during a free period today, still half-asleep cos I'm not a morning person, but the result is surprisingly good? 
> 
> Things are boutta happen :')

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**[ _A TikTok video of Aziraphale and Crowley lying in bed. Aziraphale is carding his hand through Crowley’s hair. He’s wearing striped pyjamas; Crowley isn’t._ _He says, ‘He could do this for eternity and I’d never get bored of it. No, I mean it. Eternitayyyyyy.’ Aziraphale rolls his eyes at that, though with a smile, and says, ‘Dramatic demon.’_ ]

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
u have tiktok?????? i need to folLOW

**jungkook’s ho** @m_agdalena  
SAME

**monica** @moneyca  
dawwwwwwwwwww

**san trancisco 🏳️‍🌈** @gayvibesonly  
*whispers* are demons actually millennials/gen z?

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
** _@gayvibesonly_ no but I invented social media

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
WHAT

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
he’s kidding tho right?? u can’t invent social media

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
** _@2001kaykay_ can’t you

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
we’re all going to hell :)

**lord of files** @Dagon  
and we look forward to having you :)

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
regret.png

**no 1 dumbass** @hela_spawn_of_loki  
but that ain’t gonna stop us *dabs*

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
so is no one gonna talk about the video? no?

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
it’s too much to process

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
rip pining idiots 2k18 i guess

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**me, externally: I’m cool and suave™ now that we’re dating  
me, internally: kssdsfjdfbhfs PANI C were dat i n g  
|  
 **d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**like? what are the rules?? do we do anything special? do I still waltz into the bookshop at random and drink wine or? am I allowed to stare wistfully now? am I allowed to kiss him at the park? what about- what about- can we, u know?

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
have sex?

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**thanks device

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
just communicate with him dude!!!!

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
I was wrong. more pining idiots 2k19

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
poor antoinette :’)

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
** _@scrambledeggsy_ oh right it was new year’s right?

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
u don’t know???

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**we immortals don’t exactly have any reason to celebrate it. do u have any idea how many new years we’ve been through

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
how can u not notice though 👀

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**easily? when you’re in bed for three days you don’t notice a lot of things

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
ah, that’s the right attitude! >:)

**sempiternal** @SalicylicAcid  
I’m confused 😅

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
it’s ok mate, it’ll pass

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Happy new year!

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
speaking of inventing things, my name is Device because my ancestors invented the device

**oui** @TypeTape  
like the word?

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
that too

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
😮

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
also thanks to decoding a book of prophecies we became Rich

**monica** @moneyca  
how rich?

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
eh just about $200,000,000

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
daaaaaaaaaaamn

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
I’ll Have Everyone Know We’re Classmates at Oxford

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
o fuck

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
ok but PROPHECIES??

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
they were all true :)

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
ok but we stan anathema? she’s a millionaire and she’s a latina, bisexual, a witch, and cares about the environment and I say that’s a Right Person With Money right here ((we talk ok))

**blueee** @Cyanogynist  
YES WE STAN

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
I’ve recently found out that adults are even worse than I thought. Can’t they just stop arguing and greeding for money for a while and look what’s going on around them???

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
no, they can’t. that’s the problem with this society. and it needs to DIE

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**and this is why the antichrist shouldn’t be on twitter

also ‘greed’ isn’t a verb

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
tbh I just wanted to show him memes

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
oh, memes are great. And comics! But sadly that’s not all the internet is about, is it?

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
damn kid you’re smart

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
oi _@TheDevilOfLA_ it’s your spawn

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
hello. I don’t care.

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
neither do I! I still think I should’ve been allowed to fix it though

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**ehhhhhh let’s not go there, yeah?

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
You didn’t destroy the Earth and now you have to live with it, Antichrist 😏

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
as if u don’t enjoy the earthly pleasures :) hypocrite

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**YOU’RE BOTH HYPOCRITES SKJSCSDJDFK

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel **  
**Explain how???

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley **  
**trying to kill us for “”fraternising”” and then doing it???

**Proper** @PlantMum  
GET REKT

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
things are getting heated in the #TwitterCryptids fandom

**lord of files** @Dagon  
u stay out of it humans this is getting good

**DEATH** @AZRAEL  
SIBLINGS…

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
I… apologise for perhaps being a bit harsh to you and Aziraphale on their behalf, _@ajcrowley_.

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
wot???? id ask if christmas came early but it WAS chrismas so I guess the miracles are real 🙃

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
What.

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
what

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
👀

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
hang on. should I know something? _@anathema_d_

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
that was a general eyes emoji @ all this?

**d** **anger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
*squints*

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
*gets popcorn*

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
hi uncle Aziraphale, I didn’t know you were here too 👋

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
HANG ON A SEC-

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Ah. Well, you got me. Hi, Adam; hi, darling.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
the FUCK,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> btw Carmen Ekwensi (vroom vroom @carmenekwensi) is an OC from my fic 'all aboard the ineffable plan', and indeed Anathema's classmate and friend. she's a 19yo lesbian who also studies environmental science
> 
> also, I posted a WIP that sort of evolved from this, about Lucifer and Raphael!Crowley and the whole shtick, so [check it out!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22636954/chapters/54101374)


	26. this is a historical moment people!!!

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
So, I suppose everyone knows it by now, but in case you do not, I am indeed Aziraphale, the angel Crowley has been talking about. I am not actually as technologically inept as dear Crowley seems to think. I come from Heaven; we invented mobile telephones long before humanity.  
|  
 **Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Yes, I do have an old IBM computer, but only for taxes, and I did try to set a Kindle on fire because that thing is simply a DISGRACE to literature. But I’ve also had Twitter since about 2015, I think.  
|  
 **Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I have Facebook and Pinterest as well, mostly for discussing/discovering literature and recipes. I own an old Samsung Nebula? Something to do with the cosmos, I think. Perfectly functional. My @ isn’t so… innocuous on purpose, I merely chose what I liked.  
|  
 **Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I first noticed Crowley here about two years ago, when she was posting ambiguous Tweets about her time with Warlock, life, and… me. I responded, actually, but she didn’t recognise me!  
|  
 **Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
You see, we immortals become dreadfully bored sometimes, and coming up with new ways to pass time gets increasingly difficult with time. Thus I came up with the idea of carrying on with my responses and seeing how long it would take Crowley to realise it was me all along.  
|  
 **Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Well… assumptions do really make one blind sometimes. That is not to say I didn’t make it difficult for him on purpose by the second year… but we all make mistakes. If it weren’t for Adam, Lord knows how long it would’ve gone on.  
|  
 **Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I planned to come clean, as they say, after New Year’s Day, but I am not certain myself if I would have gone through with it. Either way, this IS as much Crowley’s fault as it is mine, and worry not, he’ll forgive me, eventually. Games like these are our Paris, you could say!  
|  
 **Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Although Paris is actually our Paris, seeing as it is my second favourite city of the moment after London. Anyway. This is my statement on the whole matter, do refrain from being rude about it, if you please.

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
oh, so it was like a secret and I shouldn’t’ve mentioned anything? Sorry 😅

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
no, don’t apologize, you definitely did the right thing 👀

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
han gon 2016????? this was goign on since 2016????????

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
MR. AZIRAPHALE

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
Oh, I’m glad it’s finally out, it’s been getting infuriating

**lexie** @lexieconextreme  
sdkdsfbhsdfbs

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
omg he’s been playing him for YEARS skdnsdhjf

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
this is a historical moment people!!!

**lord of files** @Dagon  
bless that’s even…. demonic 😈

**conspiracy theories are my jam** @olgoi_khorkhoi  
this is a LOT to take in

**Proper** @PlantMum  
poor Crowley though :(

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
 _@PlantMum_ omg you’re right, he must be panicking so much right now I’m

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
well, he’s not responding, so

**monica** @moneyca  
ok all that aside I heard crowley went with she/her pronouns at one point and I’d love to see that because even the IDEA of the lesbian energy-

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
 _@moneyca_ I can confirm. Crowley is very sexy as a woman, as they are in any of their form, and I love them very much. Crowley is also hiding in the bathroom and being his usual dramatic self.

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel **  
**You do kinda deserve it, Aziraphale, this behaviour is very unangelic of you. Guess you really did revert to the other side…

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I beg your pardon, Gabriel, what is that I hear? Are you being rude about it? Hypocritical, no less, what with the recent development? Well, you can go to… Jericho!

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
aziraphale go offffff

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
but oh my GOD WE CAN GET THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY NOW AND CONVERSATIONS B/W THEM

**Anita** @anitamamacita  


**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
turns out I couldn’t beat lucifer’s kid and step kid at fortnite

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
that sentence sounds so unreal and yet

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
rip this kid’s username

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
you are doing WHAT now

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
Oh I’m sorry, is talking to Trixie online and playing games together not ok with you, d a d?

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
no, I’m generally shocked by the state of existence right now, though I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the antichrist, the was-supposed-to-be-antichrist, and the human step-antichrist are friends and play violent video games. well done!

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
oh no, I made our server better, there’s no shooting now, and definitely more dinosaurs and pirates and princesses to rescue. We’re all knights!

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
and that’s why I goddamn died

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
I’m telling trixie you called her a step-antichrist _@TheDevilOfLA_

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I’ve got to say this isn’t a development of events I’d have expected to happen, but…

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
life takes you on a lot of weird paths

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
and I’m guessing there’s still no crowley to be distressed by this ?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Ah, no. I’m afraid he has entered the Second Stage of Sulking and he is now a snake.

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
lol mood

**Q** @efficiencies  
I’m somewhat worried, though…

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  


**farah** @princessaziz  
*keep calm and slytherin

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Oh, no, Crowley is a Hufflepuff.

**panana** @ahsokaaaa  
the irony kadnjashdhas

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
eyyyyyyyy

**monica** @moneyca  
NO 😮

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
hey and what house are u, aziraphale?

**gayvengers** @AceRavenclaw  
Ravenclaw 👀

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
NO HE’S THE SLYTHERIN

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
With Ravenclaw as my secondary house, though 😉

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ba dum tss* 
> 
> Crowley is coming back in the next one, don't worry :)


	27. Married™

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
hey there demons, it’s me, ya boi

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
no youre not

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
welcome back :)

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
they’re back

AND WITH A MEME

**Connor** @28connor  
asjhdbhssd glad to see you’re out and about Mr Snek

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
— says an actual demon, _@ajcrowley_

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
Crowleyyyy 👀 oh this is going to be good

**Proper** @PlantMum  
 _@smol_potato_ and I were worried though!!!

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
oh yeah, we found out we both live in Manchester and only one (1) year apart in age and I guess we’re dating now. just btw

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
lol nice!

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
always be happy for the random lesbians

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
manchester! I founded that city. n I hate it

**Proper** @PlantMum  
you WHAT

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
ta.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
anyway. I stopped “being dramatic”, de-snaked and read all the tweets and I have three things to say

**monica** @moneyca  
uh oh

**pika pika** @urvalentine  
DE-SNAKED

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
1) aziraphale is even more of a bloody bastard than I thought  
2) im even more of an idiot than I thought  
3) fuck I… love him even more than I possibly thought

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
that- is probably the last thing I’d expected,

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
whaaaaaaaaaaaat

**🏳️‍🌈** **🏳️‍🌈** **🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
AWWWWW

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I said so, haven’t I? Crowley has a good sulk, yes, but it doesn’t last long. Especially not now that we’re—gosh, it’s still incredible, isn’t it? Dating!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
…fuck this will still take a lot of getting used to though

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Language, my dear.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
laNguAgE My dEaR

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
sorry. also I CAN TEXT U NOW

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Why would you text me when we spend almost all time together anyway, hmm?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I-

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
this. THIS IS THE SHIT

**lurker** @Noideasfornames  
I dig it

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
why watch romance movies when u can bear witness to this

**lemon** @Laemon  
the hogwarts houses. I see it

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
pardon me if it’s not a personal question but,, how do u know ur houses _@ajcrowley @tea_and_scones_? do u have……pottermore

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
I’m more surprised that mr aziraphale has read it tbh

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Crowley read it with _@warlocking_ , so naturally, I joined them! And _@anathema_d_ made us take the quiz at Halloween, maybe you remember the children’s costumes?

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
😏😏😏😏😏

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
i do NOT like being a HUFFLEPUFF

**lord of files** @Dagon  
i always said it. disgrace of demonkind

**DEATH** @AZRAEL  
MAYBE HE’S THE ONLY GOOD ONE.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
oh heeey long time no see is it mr death or rae-rae today

**DEATH** @AZRAEL  
EH 🤷

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
hang on,,, my rae-rae? I thought u were a GHOST

**DEATH** @AZRAEL  
WELL TECHNICALLY THAT’S NOT… WRONG?

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
…

**like a matryoshka doll** @villanelle  
y’all are friends with death? cool. me too

**DEATH** @AZRAEL  
WE MEET WAY TOO OFTEN 😑

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
they’re my… siblingactually

**lio rights** @kingblaiddyd  
wait REALLY

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
yeahhh and the apocalypse was more like a family reunion but c’est la vie

**Q** @efficiencies  
I suppose no one is exempt from the mortifying ordeal of being known

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
u know how we’ve been thinking who *is* is Crowley? cause again, you can’t avoid some Bible studies and theology when being a history major and… all this sibling talk? I have a theory

**Connor** @28connor  
wait we’ve never got to looking further into that, have we?

**All Hail Satan** @berlingothbabe  
he said he didn’t want to talk about it and then there was all the relationship stuff…

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
ok shoot _@haleyscometh_

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
I mean, we have no records of any archangels falling besides Lucifer, right, but… could it be? he said it himself, he was powerful. and if Lucifer, Azrael, and all the other archangels are his siblings, there’s only one conclusion to make

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
it’s a bit off the rocker though, don’t u think? isn’t that something that would be MENTIONED somewhere?

**Marcy** @horselover621  
haha, twitter is at it again

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
excuse me lady but we’re uncovering the truth here

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
we’re the #TwitterCryptids Fellowship and you’re either with us or living in delusion

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
aziraphale plaited my hair today cos it’s somehow long enough again and I’m not gonna lie. I feel Fabulous

**so fab(i)ulous** ✨ @baneofyourexistence  
Yes I Approve 👌

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
pics-

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
[ _An image of Crowley sitting backwards on a chair. His hair, albeit rather short, is plaited into a single French plait. You can see black feathers, too, as his wings are materialised and outstretched._ ]

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
😮👀

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
w i n g S

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
someone got his wings groomed

**no 1 dumbass** @hela_spawn_of_loki  
and aziraphale posted the pic my HEART

**panana** @ahsokaaaa  
i love this new twitter upgrade

**bellarke is canon** @cheeryontop  
my crops are flourishing, my skin is clear, my anxiety is cured, my med bills are paid,

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
is crowley ok with that picture though?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@anathema_d @efficiencies_ I’m submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Darling, you did long ago.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
shhhhhhh or I’ll run away again

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
You won’t.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I won’t. ur stuck with me forever now.  


***confused cat*** @ratatatat  
Married™

**Amira** **✌** **️** @AwkwardAlienAmira  
I can’t believe these two invented love

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
aaaaaaactually… at least where earth is concerned… because lbr, adam and eve never really Worked, u know…… we probably did

**oui** @TypeTape  
congratulations, you just broke the internet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since death | azrael is a skeleton with a male voice in good omens and a short girl in a cat jumper in lucifer (who's ella lopez's presumed "ghost friend" whom she's been seeing since she was in an accident as a kid, for those who don't know), I did a thing where they're just both ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	28. I may be an idiot but at least I'm a smart idiot

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I have successfully created a no-bake cheesecake! Antoinette and I agree it’s a cause for celebration.

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
congrats?

**Proper** @PlantMum  
oh, is she staying with u now?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
She’s our child 😇

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
snake child, or snild

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
I want cheesecake now ://

**meta corner** @doctormissy  
I made one yesterday, what a coincidence :)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@tea_and_scones_ and we all know it’s only cos u don’t need an oven for that and made the cream set with a miracle. for the fact u love food and watching the bake-off so much, u know absolute shit about how it’s actually done, angel

**monica** @moneyca  


**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I can do all three while aziraphale can do neither. we balance each other out

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Nonsense, I can do mathematics! I run a bookshop.

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
which doesn’t sell books?? at all???

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
that’s right kid e x p o s e him

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
 _@ajcrowley_ didn’t u claim a couple days back that 2 + 3 was 6

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
weLL I have also made a third of the stars in the universe and got a master’s in astrophysics last century

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
excuse me you did what

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I may be an idiot but at least I’m a smart idiot

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel **  
**Humans are so WEIRD sometimes.

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
true but elaborate?

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel **  
**They make stories about things that aren’t true? And not just that, they’re disturbing, and their only purpose is to make one afraid and grossed out? And they enjoy it? What a waste of the precious time we kindly allowed them to have.

**lord of files** @Dagon  
what film did beelzebub make u watch

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel **  
**It was called Bird Box, I think. It was set in a post-apocalyptic future. It’s like they’re ASKING for it.

**Connor** @28connor  
yeah that explains it

**bellarke is canon** @cheeryontop  
what can I say man, we’re weird but. that’s entertainment for you. make a movie with someone famous in it that gets memed immediately and people will watch it even if it’s stupid

**lord of files** @Dagon  
the movie industry was one of ours

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
excuse me beelzebub and you are watching FILMS TOGETHER NOW??? fucking blindfold me

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
you should be asking aziraphale that, no?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
shut

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
flsjdjsdbnjhs the Best

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
enjoy the fact that you were THIS close from living those movies, @ humans

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
thank god the real antichrist was sensible and NOT like in the movies

**God** @God  
Yes, thank me, indeed.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
intruder alert  
[ _A picture of Crowley and Aziraphale in bed, curled up under a beige quilt, with Antoinette’s head peering at them from above, i.e. the headboard. Crowley is looking very unimpressed with her._ ]

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
omg did your snake SNAKE up on u when u was trying to do the do

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
no comment

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
*when we WERE trying to do the do.

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
savage and unafraid…

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
😁 mr aziraphale keeps on giving

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
OK FINE YES IT WAS EMBARRASSING ALSO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
mood

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
doctor???

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
no I’m not a doctor. why does everyone keep confusing me with a doctor? do I look like one????

besides the fact that I do have a couple phds too

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
actually yeah? or, well, my friend, the doctor, you look exactly like him except ginger?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
ohh right I know him yeah

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
you do?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
yeah and so does aziraphale, we met

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
do you _@lesbill_?

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
yup

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
AWESOME. hmu

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
not to intrude but maybe it’s because you were the healer of god? that’s basically a heavenly doctor _@ajcrowley_

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
luciferrrrrrr I’ll go to la and personally strangle you that’s CONFIDENTIAL INFORMAITON

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
SO I WAS RIGHT

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
huh

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
wait u were fucking RAPHAEL

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
RIGHT SHOUT IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to those who read two of hearts too: yes, it's kind of similar, what of it? that one sprang from this one, after all...  
> to those who read twitter aliens too: yes, this is the moment where bill meets jack and then meets clara too and the space gays club™ is formed :)
> 
> also, yes, I gave this a final chapter count...


	29. i'm everything I want to be baby

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
my family are all idiots, pass it on

**fun fact** @Christinewho  
So it’s true?

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
do crowley be a fallen archangel 👀

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
yes, it’s true, I don’t like talking about it, I think I’m gonna take another snake nap

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
SNAP

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
shfsaknfjacds

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
 _@tea_and_scones_ did u know?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Yes, I knew, obviously. Have done since the 14th century, I think? No, it was definitely the 14th century. It was more of an accident… but he told me willingly and we moved on, not like _this_. Lucifer should be _ashamed_ of himself.

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
now, I think there’s no need to be this dramatic

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
no buddy, u fucked up. u fucked up big time

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
>:(

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
Yeah, this isn’t how it’s done, Lucifer. smh

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
to be fair, it runs in the family, son of mine  
and I mean the entire family

**✝** **️ Gabriel** **✝** **️** @ArchangelGabriel **  
**What did WE do now?

**lord of files** @Dagon  
theres always something, archdouche

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
That’s probably true. Well, I shall go and be a pillow for two snakes. Toodle-oo!

**Proper** @PlantMum  
aww

**Connor** @28connor  
“that’s probably true” shjsjdsbfhsb

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
if someone told me this would be such a rollercoaster I wouldn’t’ve eaten all those CORNDOGS

**thank u mr crowley** @LukeBatkins  
it??? all makes sense now?? the #GuardianDemon thing and everything

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
wait what how

**thank u mr crowley** @LukeBatkins  
Raphael is supposed to be a patron of sick people, young people, disabled people, mental illnesses and stuff, among other things, like, healing, marriage, creativity and stuff. I kinda know this shit, don’t ask why

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
oh my bloody GOD

**josh** @pastaforlyfe  
#whiplash

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
🤯🤯🤯🤯

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
I SAID SO!!!!

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
wasn’t there smth about him being the only creative demon in hell

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
fuck off, now you’re really ruining our rep

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
not when u ruined it all by urselves… by being DUMBASSES

**charlie’s demons** @charliexxx  
aren’t u a demon too

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
yea but I left, duh

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
anyway I actually feel a lot safer knowing this send tweet

**pika pika** @urvalentine  
it’s official im converting to satanism and worshipping demons now

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
one day. I think that’s my new record

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
ah, back from the snake sulk, or snulk, mx crowley!

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
shortest or longest time as snake?

**blueee** @Cyanogynist  
that’s a stupid question obvsly shortest

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
tbh aziraphale tempted me with chateauneuf du pape and the london art fair

**oui** @TypeTape  
do you collect art?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@TypeTape_ I have an original signed sketch of the mona lisa and some statues but not really, no

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
EXCUSE ME U HAVE A WHAT

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@haleyscometh_ leonardo and I were friends, he gave it to me

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
*dies*

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
He also has a rather lewd statue of an angel and a demon “wrestling”, if you must know.

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
Ooohh nice Mr Crowley 🤭

**sempiternal** @SalicylicAcid  
so what other historical characters were u friends with, eh?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
ehm, jesus, some ancient greek philosophers, caesar but I wouldn’t say friends? sappho too, though we kind of… well, I was a woman then. shakespeare, newton, the medicis, avicenna, tycho brahe, galileo, frida kahlo, mentioned freddie before, idk, lots?  
  


 **lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
Jesus…?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
what, surprised?

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
well I for one am not

**Proper** @PlantMum  
you really ARE a lesbian sdnsjfsasfa

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
i’m everything I want to be baby

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Yes, a snake with a flair for the dramatic and a collection of genders, do go on.

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
wig


	30. someone's in a broody mood

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
do you ever feel like you’re not in control of your actions? like someone’s pulling your strings and u only exist to cater to their whims and provide entertainment with your stupid ass decisions that u maybe wouldn’t’ve made if someone didn’t need to hold up the plot on purpose?

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
what a turnaround from “im everything I want to be baby”

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
Dude what did u smoke

**www** @deadpoolbaby  
a breaking-the-4th-wall flavored spliff, obviously

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
No, we get existential after a few bottles of red. God, why?

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
I’ve been saying this for YEARS

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
…free will though?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
we’re her pawns still, and despite out best efforts, everything we’ve ever done up until now we’ve only done because it was written. the apocalypse didn’t happen because it was written. it took me ages to confess my love because it was written.

**God** @God  
Now now-

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
someone’s in a broody mood

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
are you implying that god is the author and the author, every author, is god?

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
very chuck shurley of u

***confused cat*** @ratatatat  
what

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
it’s a supernatural thing. god is an author who writes books about the winchesters. canon within canon. it’s so meta

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
is everyone just ignoring god commenting on this or

**monica** @moneyca  
yes

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
hey what if… this isn’t even real and we live in an alternate universe. someone’s what-if scenario of post-apocalypse events written for fun. and there are other versions where this didn’t happen

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
like,, an au?

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
actually, there ARE multiple universes, yes. one might even say infinite earths. my dear parents have made them all to experiment

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
so ur saying there could be an earth where im an avenger????

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
what if there are universes out there where none of us could ever meet cos we’re all fictional 😱

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
what if were fictional NOW

**thank u mr crowley** @LukeBatkins  
well god DID create us all and put us together,

**meta corner** @doctormissy  
fuck they’re becoming self-aware

**God** @God  
Well, damn it.

**meta corner** @doctormissy  
this got too meta all of a sudden, mission abort-

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
what a weird day I had yesterday……… anyway kdfnsj we were drinking at the bookshop as you do, right, and then aziraphale was like “hey crowley what if we moved in together” and I CRIED  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I can’t believe  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
AFTER ALL THAT WEVE BEEN THRU  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
a word of advice for u mortals: don’t make big decisions when drunk  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
thankfully we’re not mortal AND SO WE ARE DOI G N IT KSNFJSF

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
omg u go u funky lil celestial idiots 😭😭

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
MOVING IN TOGETHER

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
you’ve gone so far, my gosh

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
djbssbhsdlsdk nice

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
is it weird to think of this like the moment ur otp finally takes the big step

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
as long as u leave the meta shite outside the door

**Connor** @28connor  
not that again

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
where? into the bookshop? _@ajcrowley @tea_and_scones_

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@anathema_d_ we dunno, we’re not at that stage of planning yet

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
But it’s worth the terrible clash of decorative choices that is inevitably bound to occur when an angel and a demon with completely inverted lifestyle preferences choose to share a place of habitat, for certain.

**josh** @pastaforlyfe  
me eyes me eyes all this graMMA R

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
we gon hate the mixed aesthetic but we in love so it’s ok and we’ll live

**josh** @pastaforlyfe  
thank

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
mr aziraphale, the only person on all of internet who unironically uses proper grammar

**aesthetic** @coffeelove  
this has awakened in me the desire to write a paper on immortals vs the constant progress of society

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
do it DO IT

**aesthetic** @coffeelove  
what and be called crazy because immortals don’t exist? no offence. also I have literally no time, I’m a coffee-driven, sleep-deprived classic lit student as it is :/

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
is all this not sufficient proof on how well that can go

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
point

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
so they’re moving in together now. how fucking romantic

**✝️** **Gabriel** ✝️ @ArchangelGabriel  
Should we get a house?

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
no???? the fuck

**lord of files** @Dagon  
get rekt angel boy

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
wouldn’t be fun not to meet in dingy hotel rooms

**✝️** **Gabriel** ✝️ @ArchangelGabriel  
Right, what else to expect from a demon, huh? Filth and sneaking around, you just love that.

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
keep em compliments coming :)

**✝️** **Gabriel** ✝️ @ArchangelGabriel  
I-

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
hey unrelated but did y’all know about crowley…?

**✝️** **Gabriel** ✝️ @ArchangelGabriel  
Yes.

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
obviously, he’s our sibling

**DEATH** @AZRAEL  
YES.

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
About him being Raphael? We did.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
yea we all know and are trying hard to pretend we don’t because I’m an Undesirable Person but that’s sibling love for u am I RIGHT

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
sad

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
yeahhhh but I don’t care for them or for the past cos I’m a happy sad bitch

**lord of files** @Dagon  
will u ever start making sense

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
nope

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
AZIRAPHALE AND I ARE MOVING IN TOGETHERESNFREHN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this entire chapter and mostly the first part was born of me reading hamlet and then proceeding to read shakespeare fanfiction and these weirdly meta, meme-y rewrites of some of his plays at like 1 am (don't judge me, i'm an english major... also check my most recent bookmarks, you won't regret it). also, it can't be a social media fic of mine without meta jokes, so there's that. and the infinite earths comment is a reference to dc's crisis on infinite earths, where lucifer showed up, btw.


	31. what did we just witness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't posted for a bit cos my internet stopped working. and tv. and everything. I have no idea how long it'll take till it's fixed, so in the meantime, I have to go to cafés with wifi to be able to update fics and get study materials. it's awful that you can't do almost anything without internet in this society... *sighs* but it's funny that while normally the internet is why I stay home all the time, it's why I'm out all the time now :')
> 
> for those reading twitter aliens: I'll update the final chapter on monday :)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
we’re moving in together!!!!!!

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Yes, we are, darling.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
but-

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
haha the feeling when I bought jasmine cottage and let newt move in a day after meeting him :’)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
oi we’re not all like you, rich, confident, knowing what we want and also getting it,

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
that’s a ballsy move miss anathema

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
haha us gays could never

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
she’s very bi and very extra ✨

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
sooo when’s the wedding @ aziraphale & crowley?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
w edding?

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
I mean we all agree you’re an old married couple lmao and it’s a small step from living together :)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
small st e p ?

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
yeah but u can’t just ask him about it jzvnjjf u broke him

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Marriage is a human concept anyway, we don’t need rings or a piece of paper to know that we love each other.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
but… I mean… would be nice though angel?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Oh, do you _want to_ get married?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
this feels like the wrongest place to discuss this but idk it’s not a very demonic thing to do, right, but I for one would love to show off a ring and tell people that this is my SPOUSE and he’s and ANGEL and like. yeah I guess I want to

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I shall ignore the fact that “wrongest” isn’t a word and say that yes, in that case, we can absolutely get married! I assumed you wouldn’t want to, but this rather changes things, doesn’t it? Come to the bookshop, we can talk about it properly 😇

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
about TIME 🙄

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
jdnjesdnhjesds

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
BOIS

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

**monica** @moneyca  
what did we just witness

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
accidental twitter proposal accidental twitter proposal accid-

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
wow. just, wow

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
We’ve found a wonderful cottage by the sea, near Bognor Regis and Worthing, with enough space to store most of my books if I magically enlarge some rooms and a garden where Crowley can keep plants, and we’re going to have a look at it next week! Wish us luck!

**Proper** @PlantMum  
good luck!!! god I wish you get it

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
Nice

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
magically enhance? like bigger on the inside

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Why, yes, it’s a simple trick! It’s all about mingling dimensions.

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
:)

**thanks for all the fish** @_and_chips  
when you live in Worthing :)

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
 _@_and_chips_ neighbours lol

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
You’ll be so far away now! :(

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
it’s just a 1.5 hour drive if I go really fast

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Which he always does.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
u chose it angel. you’re stuck with me and my hysterical driving forever now

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
have u not heard that gays can’t drive but bisexuals drive like crazy cos we have places to be and wait for no one

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
good one 👉👉

**bellarke is canon** @cheeryontop  
excuse me u british people think that 1.5h is a long drive?? ksdnjsn *laughs in american*

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
ikr?? my boyfriend refused a job cuz he’d have to drive 45 minutes every day

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
fair. that’s a lot

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
My sister studies in Edinburgh and christmas was the first time she visited since the last christmas because it’s too many hours

**bellarke is canon** @cheeryontop  
my dad drives 4 hours to work sometimes ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Connor** @28connor  
americans are crazy

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
no brits are

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
as a swedish person I can tell you that you all are

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
 _@AdamYoung_ you have a sister???

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
yeah, Sarah, she’s 19

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
huh

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
huh.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
somebody help me, aziraphale discovered that fanfiction exists

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
oooofff

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
what sort of fanfiction is the question 👀

**oui** @TypeTape  
and HOW

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
it’s always existed tho. the oldest literature is just bible fanfic

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@haleyscometh_ true. so is paradise lost for example. he knew this. no, what I meant was that he found some site or something and immediately got into reading fanfiction about the classics because that’s apparently a thing

**aesthetic** @coffeelove  
ah, yeah. classics fanfic. which I totally never wrote *hides*

**blueee** @Cyanogynist  
AO3? ohh dear

**panana** @ahsokaaaa  
he’s not ready for the smut

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@ahsokaaaa_ nah u have no idea what sort of novels he has in the bookshop. and that’s exactly my POINT

***x files theme*** @parabolic  
what’s he reading? dorian gray x basil, secretly doing it during That One Scene? hamlet x horatio as university lovers? some darcy x elizabeth post-wedding fluff and smut? a three musketeers modern au? I NEED TO KNOW

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@parabolic_ no. no. I really don’t want to know. the internet is such a cursed place. why did I make it so POPULAR

**san trancisco 🏳️‍🌈** @gayvibesonly  
regret.png

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@gyavibesonly_ YEAH. anyway I’ll leave him to it and come back before we go see that house. HOUSE BLOODY HELL

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
still not over it? 😆

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@anathema_d_ or the fact that we’re getting MARRIED. dunno when or where or anything but we ARE and it’s only been a MONTH since we offificially slapped the “dating” label on our relationship. who’s going too fast NOW

…me. it’s still me. I know

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
yeah idk, 6000 years is slow burn enough

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
true that kid. true that 😉

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
u take 6000 years and then it all happens in two months, can u blame me for being a tad panicked??

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
#ImmortalProblems

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
m a r r i e d


	32. opposites attract

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
okay, was anybody going to tell me that _@ajcrowley_ and _@tea_and_scones_ were getting married or was I just supposed to find it on twitter myself

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
yes

**✝️** **Gabriel** ✝️ @ArchangelGabriel  
Well, now you know how it feels to be excluded, _brother_.

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
now I know?? NOW I know??? *looks back at a million years of history*

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
and I oop

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
satan just flipped a table

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
well it’s not like u were told either gabe

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
what, did y’all want an invitation??

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
yes, obviously!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
well, tough luck, we don’t even have a date yet

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
GOOD NEWS: the south downs house is ours!!!! it would cost a fortune were we human and having to spend every day working for money nine-to-five and putting away every extraneous penny, but we’re decidedly not, so I took a bunch out of corrupt politicians’ pockets  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
and transferred it to a bank account. lots of low-grade evil, that. and bam! cottage just for us! with a garden that will need a lot of discipline training, strictly between us, but what can u do. we can s t a r t m o v i n g i n  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
for legal reasons the money part is a joke

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
ahahaha right.

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
Yes, let’s fight the corruption in the government and this awful capitalist society 💪🏾

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
says the mi6 agent among us

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
How’s your dog doing, fine I hope?

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
he is, in fact, having a play date with the dog of the person I totally don’t have a crush on. u can’t threaten me :)

**Proper** @PlantMum  
 _@ajcrowley_ what did we say about plants needing care and attention and not being yelled at??

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@PlantMum_ pff what are u talking about, random twitter person whom I do not know

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Let’s not question Crowley’s unhealthy coping mechanisms, shall we? That’s already my job.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
you CODDLE my plants angel, and my SNAKE, they’re slacking off!!!

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
just reminding you that you want to live together

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
yeAh I dId nOT kNoW

**monica** @moneyca  
that’ll be a fun household

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
esp with the whole immortality thing

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
like I said, #ImmortalProblems

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
omg I hope they don’t break up after a century 🙀

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Oh, we have “broken up” several times over the years, for decades even, some time apart is always necessary to remind one of what one’s missing, of the love. We’ve always found one another again, apologised for whatever we’ve been fighting about, and moved on.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
cos who said we don’t fight? we do, a lot, and we get frustrated and snappy and fed up with each other’s antics. we’re an angel and a demon, couldn’t be more different. but that’s why we’re also such a good match, eh, angel?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Indeed, darling.

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
u really call him “angel” _@ajcrowley_ ? are u aware that it’s a pet name 😁😇

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@lesbill_ why do u think that is, hmm?

**pika pika** @urvalentine  
🤯🤯🤯🤯

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
speaking of the #ImmortalProblems thing: it’s funny that u either go to a museum and see something like “ah, I think this was mine once, I lost it when I was in 102 bc greece” or u have a thing from 102 bc greece that probably costs a lot next to a 2008 mp3 player in your desk

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
HWAT DO U HAVE IN YOUR DESK MR. CROWLEY

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
things? I mean, ask aziraphale for a collection of antiquities you can’t find anywhere else

**British Museum** @britishmuseum  
Interesting.

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Well, seeing as we’re moving out, I might be persuaded to donate some items, _@britishmuseum_ , it’s always been a pleasure doing business with you chaps!

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
aziraphale?? giving out his stuff??? a miracle

**geralt of rivia stan first** @tangerineprince  
what has just happened

**Q** @efficiencies  
a regular day with immortals on twitter

**artisan of death** @LucasWahl  
that reminds of my dear friend, or boss technically, who’s immortal and runs an antique shop with his 70-year-old son here in NY that’s just a storage of his stuff. but shh he thinks I don’t know

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
If you’re talking about Henry Morgan, I do know him! He’s always been a fellow antique enthusiast and a bit… behind-the-times immortal, as it is. I’ve seen him last just after WWII, I think?

**artisan of death** @LucasWahl  
huh

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
can I crash the party? I’ll be 2177 this year

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
there are actual immortal HUMANS out here??

**panana** @ahsokaaaa  
do vampires and werewolves exist 👀

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
KEANU REEVES

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
1) there are, it’s usually a glitch in the system, 2) not anymore

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
noT aNyMorE

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
anyway I shall grace u with some eternal wisdom from tumblr dot com #ImmortalProblems  


**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
don’t bloody START

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
are those true XD

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Sadly enough, yes.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
and u know how u forget important things but remember that u once had a dream about u and ur family being talking owls instead of humans when u were 5 (sorry warlock)? well this is an actual exchange from 2007 which I, also, randomly remember  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
“let’s have lunch, I still owe you from…”  
“1793”  
“ah, the french revolution. was that yours or mine?”  
“can’t recall. we had crepes”  
  


 **aesthetic** @coffeelove  
mood

  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
or. we went to india around 400 bc and I don’t remember ANYTHING except that aziraphale tried a mango for the first time and it was an Experience™  
  


 **Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Oh, I do remember that. The look you gave me 😊

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
ur so in LOVE

  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I have a whole category of memories related to aziraphale and food in case u didn’t notice. and it’s usually the only thing I remember from any given time. or the embarrassing things. once I talked to elizabeth I at the globe and almost choked on a grape I ate to appear casual

**Connor** @28connor  
Dude

**farah** @princessaziz  
and this is why you should be writing diaries

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Who says some of us aren’t? I have a whole room upstairs dedicated to diaries, notes, letters, and report copies. Crowley is the chaotic one here.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I tried to write a diary one (1) time in 17-something and held on for a week. my attention span cannot handle

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you haven't seen the 2014 show _forever_ , please watch it, I highly recommend! it's where @LucasWahl and the immortal Henry Morgan come from :)


	33. live your dreams

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
speaking of globe theatre and the good queen bess, I’ve just remembered that we also saw some alien… witch… things who wanted to invade earth that day but I’m not sure if it was real or just really good theatre tricks

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
 _@ajcrowley_ it was real

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@adventurer_13_ oh ta. you were there, weren’t you? it’s why she yelled at me and then I had to explain that I wasn’t you and choked on grapes?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
possibly. sorry. I only found out why that happened about a year later. you know it, wives…

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
no I don’t. but I WI L L

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
…this might sound like an odd conversation out of context but I swear I’m just a normal non-human time traveller

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
what

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
haha. right

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
doctor, stop confusing the humans

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
so, how many of us slept with shakespeare?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
THANKs for that image

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
me, moving out of my flat: *takes bed, desk, chair, clothes, plants, snake tank, art* *leaves the rest*  
aziraphale, moving out of the bookshop: *broods over every single trinket for 5 minutes and then adds everything to the “to take” pile anyway because he can’t part with things*  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
AND IM NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE BOOKS

**Q** @efficiencies  
 _@tea_and_scones @ajcrowley_ hang on, if you’re moving out of London, does that mean you’re selling the bookshop?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
 _@efficiencies_ Selling the bookshop? SELLING THE BOOKSHOP? What a preposterous idea, me, selling the bookshop! Not ever! It’s my most prized possession, the collection of the rarest books in the world, a sanctuary for children and students in need! Sell it! Haha, how hilarious!

**Connor** @28connor  
what… are you gonna do about it though?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I… don’t know.

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
you could, idk, hire some help? like a job for those kids crowley saved? keep the books, let them sell the stuff adam gave you, that kind of thing. or like, uni students, they come there to read anyway, right?

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
they do?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@cannoli_oli_ yeah, he’s only fussy about selling, he lets postgrad students come and do their research. gives them tea and biscuits even

**Wanda** @transpowerrr  
can confirm! you can study 1st editions and o r i g i n a l m a n u s c r i p t s in his shop. he’s a BLESSING for lit students as long as you treat the books with care and white gloves

**fluffy owl** @SarahMacDonald  
Mark though. Mark tried to smuggle some Canterbury Tales home once and we haven’t seen him since

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
You can borrow books at the British Library, thank you.

**monica** @moneyca  
ah, the bastard angel we know

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
funny that I’ve never seen u there? _@transpowerrr @SarahMacDonald_

**Wanda** @transpowerrr  
we come in the evening hours like vampires :)

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
like I said, postgrad students are the real cryptids :)

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
*scared gulp*

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Well, I’ll… consider it, _@anathema_d_.

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
always consult your local witch

**fluffy owl** @SarahMacDonald  
ALSO CONSIDER THIS A JOB APPLICATION, MR AZIRAPHALE _@tea_and_scones_ 😇

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
there’s nothing like speeding down an empty motorway in your ’33 bentley and blasting queen at full volume as you head towards your new home, an old stone cottage by the sea, unbound by society and the laws of physics

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
can’t say I relate

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
but damn is it the spirit of the gay experience

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
and the millennial and gen z experience

**Proper** @PlantMum  
oh to leave everything behind and move into the woods with your gf and a dog and live on home-grown vegetables and the Aesthetic™

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
babe let’s do it

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
lmk if you will. manchester is no place to live. live your dreams

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
u really are in a good mood

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
im a free demon bitch. and im extra

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
we’re not “moving in” moving in for another week but I was ALREADY intercepted by nosy neighbours as I was inspecting the state of the front garden and glaring the paint on the front door into chinning up  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
“oh hello you must be the new neighbour” “hi new neighbour, why the sunglasses in this weather?” “aren’t you cold” “do you have a wife” “do you have children” “when’s the other half arriving” “what a lovely car, into vintage machines and classic rock are we” “so you garden”

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
oof

***confused cat*** @ratatatat  
omg imagine their surprise when another man (?) shows up 😂

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
what did u tell them?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Yes, dear…?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
to fuck off

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
no you didn’t

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
no I didn’t. they’re coming over for tea when aziraphale’s here. what’s great though is that I could call him my fiancé and they’re none the wiser about the gender thing cos you can’t tell by pronunciation ;)

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
this is how u fuck with the heteronormative society

**san trancisco 🏳️‍🌈** @gayvibesonly  
aMEN

**Amen** **👼🏿** @amenadiel  
Did someone call?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
no


	34. Officially moved in!

**lord of files** @Dagon  
wassup it’s been a while

**All Hail Satan** @berlingothbabe  
 _@Dagon_ how’s it going in the dark kingdom of hell?

**lord of files** @Dagon  
great, I rejected a lot of invalid forms and ate some rollmops that were only a week past their bbd. might torture some bastards later

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
that doesn’t actually sound so bad lol

**lord of files** @Dagon  
oh its not, not for us demons. humans on the other hand

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
can I get a promotion to a demon when I get down there? I mean this counts as something right? connec t i o n s

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
haha. no

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
shite

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
lemme share a secret though. hell’s like virtual reality. when you realise that it’s a time loop that’s not real and wake up asking yourself, wait, why the fuck am I here?? u can leave and go up. but heaven’s overrated anyway so ehh

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
see: my username

**monica** @moneyca  
wait so. hell’s not f o r e v e r ?

**Been to hell and back** @JohnnyConstantine  
See: my username

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
 _@moneyca_ no, it isn’t, but no one realises this. mass media deception

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
 _@TheDevilOfLA_ are u calling christianity mass media deception 🤣

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
 _@timforcoffee_ a half of it is incorrect but people still believe it, don’t they?

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
the bible is fake news

**thank u mr crowley** @LukeBatkins  
do not blaSPHEME! lmao

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
stupid question but. if hell’s not forever, does that mean heaven isn’t either?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
 _@kartoffelsalat_ Well, no, you can reincarnate.

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
awesome!!!!! imma be a turtle or something

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
 _@annoyingpanda_ why not a panda

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
 _@anne_marie_green_ damn u right

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Stop TELLING humans this, God damn it!

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
free will :)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I can say what I want to whom I want. bitch

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Blocked.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@ArchangelGabriel_ wait unblock me I need to tell u something

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** @ArchangelGabriel  
Unblocked?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
bitch

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
NSKJDNSZNJ I CAN’T BELIEVE HE FELL FOR THAT

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
he’s lucky he’s good looking

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Officially moved in! Now only to unpack…  
[ _A picture of the inside of a house, clearly a living room. A sofa is standing in the centre of it, surrounded by boxes and a coffee table covered in smaller boxes. A large, luscious Swiss cheese plant is standing in the left corner, and sun is streaming inside through a window yet uncovered by curtains._ ]

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
(he won’t let me miracle-unpack and save us the labour, no, we’ve got to do it slowly like HUMANS)

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Where would be the magic in that? This is an important moment 😊

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
but the MAGIC is the POINT it would be THERE (┛ಸ_ಸ)┛

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
are u sitting on that sofa with your phone and having a passive aggressive conversation here instead of actually doing the unpacking

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Not anymore!

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
good luck :)

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
someone PLEASE make a reality tv show out of this

**panana** @ahsokaaaa  
angel v. demon: dawn of ~~ju~~ marriage

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
I’d watch the hell out of that  
.  
.  
pun intended

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
SAME

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
 _@ajcrowley @tea_and_scones_ make a vlog make a vlog make a vlOG MAKE A VLOG MAKE A-

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
update on the neighbours: mr & mrs will-not-name-them from the village came over today, carrying angel’s food cake. which we both love. that was the first hilarious bit!! they came inside and I put the kettle on, right, while they properly introduced themselves, yadda yadda  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I’m not exactly a fan of overly polite middle-aged straight white people if you didn’t notice. unless they’re aziraphale, who’s none of those things. but! they immediately asked about “your lady”! and I knew I had ‘em. he was upstairs and I was like ‘ZIRA THEY’RE HERE!’  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
so they still didn’t know, happily chattering and snooping. but then. then he came down the stairs and u could see the MOMENT they had to rethink every single decision they ever made and just BLINKED and stuttered their way through more introductions (ಸ ‿ ಸ)  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I was there in the background grinning and aziraphale’s face was TWITCHING i tell ya. the atmosphere was REALLY awkward for a while. but aziraphale’s natural sweet charming disposition won them over and so did his appreciation of the cake. yeahhh  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I’m going full woman the next time they come over tho. there are so many ways to fuck with people when ur genderfluid and u gotta LOVE IT

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
omg goals

***confused cat*** @ratatatat  
I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE GOOD 👌

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

**Connor** @28connor  
*laughs in gay*

**charlie’s demons** @charliexxx  
*laughs in pansexual*

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
like I said. PLEASE MAKE A VLOG THIS IS GOLD

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@adhdbisexuall_ ehh not sure that’s a good idea BUT I’ll definitely film it the next time and put it on tiktok or summat

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
you’re so lucky that they weren’t straight-out bigots who started yelling abt religion and sins and stuff though! wow.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@swiftie02_ yeah. but if they did I could always tell them that adam & eve are both bisexual and I already came ~~straight~~ pan from hell. fuck homophobes

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
fuck. homophobes.

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
and don’t forget to stay hydrated :)

**gayvengers** @AceRavenclaw  
with this tea? impossible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh I can't see myself finishing this in just two chapters... so there might just be 38 or 40 of them after all! 😉
> 
> also, important question: would you like to, eventually, see a SEQUEL that takes place some years later when the them & co. are all university-aged???


	35. snaKE EYES???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not answering your comments on the last one, but here's a general reply to them all: I WILL write the sequel (ngl I would anyway) BUT it probably won't be until late april/early may, after I'll have finished 'two of hearts'. I thought it was better to just say it now. don't worry though, I won't let this universe go easily! I already have ideas :)
> 
> but omg, I'm still amazed by your response, to that and to the fic in general! I never imagined that THIS would be my most popular work on ao3, honestly. but it somehow is. I'm INFINITELY grateful for all your kind words, support and love! your comments are what keeps me going! ily 💖😭

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
just found a singer with the initials b. j. crowley. she doesn’t have twitter and I don’t like the music but she has my respect

**monica** @moneyca  
name twinsies fjfjswfsw

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
secret child 👀

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
what, no, no relation there. pretty sure I’d know it if I had kids, what with the demonic powers and all

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
I’m actually surprised that THAT is your problem with the question

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
if you’re implying what you’re implying, no, I wasn’t a virgin before aziraphale, are u bonkers? 6000 years?? anyway. can we move on

**Connor** @28connor  
u started this conversation Mr Crowley

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
was mr. aziraphale… u know?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
No.

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
whodve thought

**✝️** **Gabriel** ✝️ @ArchangelGabriel  
The demon I’d understand, but humans? Really, Aziraphale?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Oh go to Hell, you.

**lord of files** @Dagon  
bet _@beelzebub_ would love that

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
🖕

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
the demon has a name and he’s your sibling

**A. Z. Fell & Co. **@azfellandco_bookshop  
Hello! We, _@transpowerrr_ , _@SarahMacDonald_ & _@vijayanand97_ , are the new “co” of A. Z. Fell’s, and we are finally bringing the shop into this century--with the permission of the owner, Mr Fell, of course, who has retired and given us the charge of his beloved shop.

**A. Z. Fell & Co. **@azfellandco_bookshop  
Follow our FB page https://www.facebook.com/azfellandco for more info, such as new opening hours or rules and guidelines for visiting the shop--because, let’s be honest, we are all aware of its reputation. However, we are here to organise the chaos!

**A. Z. Fell & Co. **@azfellandco_bookshop  
Got any questions? Ask us! #AZFells

**twink no. 5** @LukeBatkins  
mr fell really be here giving his shop away to uni students huh #AZFells

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
he did what??

**Wanda** @transpowerrr  
_@LukeBatkins @lucyfer_ he’s giving us some money and unlimited time with his books in return for enforcing his strict rules and making sure people only *look* at stuff he doesn’t want to sell. a dream job tbh

**abandon all hope** @vijayanand97  
_@LukeBatkins @lucyfer_ we’ve been coming there for two years now, so we even know how his disorganised organisation works and how to write stuff down in his ledgers. plus I’m sure there are some occult wards or something that repel govt people who’d have questions

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
_@vijayanand97_ And not just those :)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I was bored and did some fabulous eye makeup but I can’t show u cos snake eyes

**Proper** @PlantMum  
nuh uh, no, you can’t say something like that and then don’t do it. we demand to see fabulous eye makeup and snake eyes

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
snaKE EYES??? bloody cool

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
u never told us about snake eyes i need to see

**oui** @TypeType  
wait what

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
#free the snake eyes

**pika pika** @urvalentine  
*grabby hands* give photo!!!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
due to popular demand ((almost 2000 replies)) here’s a photo, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya  
[ _A selfie of Crowley in the bathroom, trying to look casual. He’s wearing winged eyeliner, dark green, glittering eyeshadow, and mascara. His hair is tucked behind his ears, sunglasses dangling from the hem of his black t-shirt._ ]

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
I’ll admit it’s a bit unsettling but I totally LOVE the look

**aesthetic** @coffeelove  
PLEASE TEACH ME YOUR SKILLS

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
that eyeliner could murder. have a great day

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
👌👌👌

**All Hail Satan** @berlingothbabe  
Fab Demon

**Proper** @PlantMum  
that COLOUR!! damn, looking amazing, mr crowley! and fyi those eyes are epically cool and anyone who says otherwise can go fuck themselves

**geralt of rivia stan first** @tangerineprince  
gender norms? don’t know her. magnifique

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
could’ve almost fooled me that ur a slytherin

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
tutorial video????????

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
I kind of want to see your wardrobe now. and the inside of the house

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
_@swiftie02 @lucyfer_ no. I have limits

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
_@lucyfer_ he has two (2) looks: slutty washed-up rock star and extravagant diva. and u never know what you’ll get in advance

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
wrong. three (3). but the third’s only reserved for aziraphale

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
walking around the house naked? ;)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
no, I bought an oversized jumper and some trackie bottoms for gardening and lounging in the living room. I wear comfy things at home ( A T H O M E) now, heck off luci

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
i have the pleasure of being in the same room with him and lemme tell u his FACE when he read that-

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
I am shocked and appalled

***confused cat*** @ratatatat  
which part, the clothes or “heck off luci” 😂😂

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
both

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beth crowley is a real person btw, her music isn't my cup of tea either, but if you like cheesy pop songs, go listen to her


	36. so. WHEN'S THE WEDDING

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
aziraphale let me try some makeup on him too and I’m still not over how BEAUTIFU L he looks 😭  
[ _A closeup of Aziraphale’s face. His eyes are framed with golden eyeliner and pale blue eyeshadows, as well as mascara and a bit of golden blush on his cheeks_.]

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
oooh

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
#relationshipgoals

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
very… angelic 👼

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
I love it! tfw when even men/divine beings look better and have better makeup skills than u…

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
ok but mr crowley owns blue eyeshadow and golden eyeliner. let that sink in

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
 _@swiftie02_ or… does aziraphale 👀

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@swiftie02 @peteyboiii_ they’re mine. obviously I lived through the 80s

but he’s still an angel and wouldn’t allow me to go for dark colours

**charlie’s demons** @charliexxx  
what even brought this on if i may be so bold to ask

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
 _@charliexxx_ He’s becoming more restless now that we moved out of the city and practically live in isolation… but he’s too lazy to do any actual work around the house. Look at him, lounging on the sofa and scrolling down Twitter for two hours.  
[ _An image of Crowley, lying on the sofa with his mobile in hand. He’s wearing a snake-print onesie and giving Aziraphale the middle finger with his free hand, smirking. Antoinette is lying on the headrest._ ]

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
IM READING SCIENCE JOURNALS this is just a lil procrastination also everyone knows about my onesie now, thanks I hate it

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
snek & snek

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
I LOVE I T

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
you really weren’t joking

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
adhd immortal strikes again :)

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
just get a fucking job crowley

**monica** @moneyca  
or at least make that yt channel

**meta corner** @doctormissy  
 _@tea_and_scones_ almost sounds like our quarantine situation huh

**Agnes Nutter’s Ghost** @Nice_and_Accurate  
 _@doctomissy_ Be sylent, theyre notte suppost to ken that yette.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
the garden is, as of now, fully weeded, spaded, pruned, and ready for spring. I’m not THAT slothful

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
you should be

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
well u guys can SUCK IT

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
wise words. and congrats, it’s only been what, five days?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
1) this took two days  
2) aziraphale almost set the kitchen on fire yesterday  
3) I also drove to worthing to do the shopping and cause some chaos  
4)  


**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  


**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
naturellement

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
is no one going to ask about the fire

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I was just trying to make crêpes!

**OH** @HorizonWatcher  
this reminds me of someone I know…

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
 _@HorizonWatcher_ shut up

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
anyway. aziraphale isn’t allowed in the kitchen other than to make tea anymore. he’s such a sexy dumbass. I love him

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
so. WHEN’S THE WEDDING _@ajcrowley @tea_and_scones_

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
👀

**pika pika** @urvalentine  
👀

**no 1 dumbass** @hela_spawn_of_loki  
👀

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
wedding update: we still have no venue or guest list, BUT we have a date and that is, on my insistence, 1 april

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
NO

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
YES

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
So soon???????????

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
it’s MARCH

**monica** @moneyca  
aaaaaaaaaaa

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
good date 👌

**T** @AwesomeQuilts  
Oh no, I haven’t finished making your wedding quilt!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@AwesomeQuilts_ our what

**T** @AwesomeQuilts  
It’s a gift :)

**Amira** **✌** **️** @AwkwardAlienAmira  
OMG that’s an amazing idea, where can I mail the thing I’m totally going to start making now?

**twink no. 5** @LukeBatkins  
 _@AwkwardAlienAmira_ the bookshop!!! wow yes let’s do this

**coffee & cake **@betty_oconnor  
Brighton-based baker here, I’ll absolutely make your cake!

**Connor** @28connor  
I bet they don’t rly have many actual friends, do they, with the immortality? well we’ll DO THIS! #WeddingGiftsForGuardianBeings

**bellarke is canon** @cheeryontop  
he helped me out of a tough situation once. I had no idea how to repay that debt. well, I can’t exactly do art or anything but I know what I’m doing now #WeddingGiftsForGuardianBeings

**Wanda** @transpowerrr  
fuck yeah, rt everyone! #WeddingGiftsForGuardianBeings

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
wh- what,

**DEATH** @AZRAEL  
HUMANS DON’T CEASE TO AMAZE ME.

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Well, they made a demon cry, and he can deny it as much as he wants, but it’s true.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
it’s. allergies

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
gender decided to go into maintenance, went from ‘mostly male’ to ‘snake in a human body who can’t process positive feedback but still rocks that eyeliner’. they/them please

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
noted!

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
what a mood,

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
eyyyy

**Proper** @PlantMum  
 _@ajcrowley_ that really hit you hard, eh

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@PlantMum_ idk what you’re talking about. excuse me, I need to go yell at some plants

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
yee t

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
They say, though no yelling comes from downstairs, so they’re a liar liar snake onesie on fire.

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Correction: one loud ‘AZIRAPHALE!’ came from the vague direction of the stairs; I must go.

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
AZIRAPHALE

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
This Is What I Grew Up With… But Even Weirder

**san trancisco 🏳️‍🌈** @gayvibesonly  
by fall out boy

**Eleanor is bi** @mjjjohn  
legend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to T for the comment about the quilt and the idea of wedding gifts that resulted from that, and to igeegeei for the snake-print onesie!
> 
> and just a reminder that this is set in 2019, not 2020. I couldn't resist that 4th-wall joke though, I too am going a bit crazy over here :')


	37. it runs in the family

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
it’s only been two (2) months since aziraphale and I admitted our feelings for each other but we’re already moved in together and getting married ajdnshj I cannot DEAL

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
you’ve LITERALLY known each other for 6000 YEARS how’s that surprising

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
crowley: we invented love  
also crowley: I can’t believe we’re getting married 3 months after saying “I love you”

**Connor** @28connor  
m o o d

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
yea it’s called being hopeless disaster gay 🌈

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
ain’t that the truth

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
ah the chaotic pining rambles are back on the scene

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@smol_potato_ we ain’t pining anymore though ಸ‿ಸ

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Well, I don’t know, the longing gazes you give me sometimes suggest otherwise.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
stop exposing me like this angel

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
on another note, why the heck aren’t there capital numbers, I want to yell those too goddammit. capitalist oppression

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
you know you can just spell them out, right?

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
it’s not the same :/

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
further wedding update: demon decided to say fuck it, we’re getting married in the village church

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
you’re WHAT

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
(☭ ͜ʖ ☭)

**Been to hell and back** @JohnnyConstantine  
ballsy

**lord of files** @Dagon  
im not even surprised

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
aren’t you like, incapable to enter churches?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@kara_thomps_ nahh it’s like being on the beach in bare feet. manageable. a big fuck you to god for sure

**All Hail Satan** @berlingothbabe  
I wish I were able to see that 😈

**twink no. 5** @LukeBatkins  
same

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I’ll post some photos here after, obviously ;) wait till u see my wedding dress

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
when you find out that you did actually get an invitation to your sibling’s wedding but gabriel didn’t  


**✝️** **Gabriel** ✝️ @ArchangelGabriel  
Hey, rude! Not that I WANT to go, but it’s still rude.

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
If it’s any comfort, dear Gabriel, we don’t expect an invitation either if you and Lord Beelzebub ever decide to get married as well.

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
NICE 😏😏

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
dkjsfjsf i cannot even express how much I love you right now

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Well, I’m sure there are ways, aren’t there? When you come back from town… 😇

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
hhhhhhhhh

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
lucifer approves! 😏

for the record, who IS coming to the wedding? so I’d know whom to avoid if necessary

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Well, we only invited Azrael, Mazikeen, and Eve, really, plus your son and a few other humans. It’s a small affair, rather. But you can bring that lovely partner of yours and her daughter as well if you wish!

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
wonderful

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
I’m still not over the fact that someone like aziraphale, an actual angel, casually invited the devil to his wedding. and that it’s at a CHURCH

**fluffy owl** @SarahMacDonald  
 _@carmenekwensi_ I’m still not over the fact that our bookshop band got invited to the same wedding as the devil

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@carmenekwensi_ yeah me neither but here we are

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
do you know what that means though? Trixie is coming here!!! _@warlocking_

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
 _@AdamYoung_ COOL

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
do u just randomly forget how powerful u actually are? like, the other day I teleported myself and aziraphale to rome to cater to his insatiable pasta craving and convinced the weather to stay nice but today I spent an hour looking for a mobile charger. which I don’t even NEED

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
um. no?

***confused cat*** @ratatatat  
mate. we can’t teleport in case you didn’t notice

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
we know what useless idiots we are kdfnjsn

**gayvengers** @AceRavenclaw  
we forget why we came into the room and put mugs in the fridge tho

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
we also forget that you’re basically an archangel who’s almost as powerful as god and not just a random minor demon until you say stuff like that

**monica** @moneyca  
and we also forget that the demon thing is not supposed to be normal at this point

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
yeahh this will bite me in the arse in the future won’t it. immortals aren’t supposed to be Known

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
u did this to yourself

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
ah, don’t worry, I tell everyone that I’m the devil too but no one really believes me. and those who do will die anyway and we’ll be forever remembered as cryptids and urban legends

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
#TwitterCryptids

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
oh my god it runs in the family


	38. this is a fucking rollercoaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what? to hell with it. these are hard times and we all need the laugh—so I decided to just start the sequel right away and keep the series going. plus I'll write a little single-chapter surprise next week :) stay safe <3

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
my boyfriend, every time he messes up: please don’t transform me into an actual newt  
me: for the last time, newt, if I wanted to do that I’d have made a familiar out of you on the day we met. just clean the glass up  
|  
 **witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
he’s so sweet, he still doesn’t get that I can actually LIKE him

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
I mean, it’s not every day a clumsy nerd bloke gets the sexy, smart billionaire girl and also gets to keep her. romcoms usually aren’t real

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
usually

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
I love that u didn’t deny the possibility that u could, in fact, turn him into a newt

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
 _@ellatheawesomestcsi_ I mean I specialize in the occult arts but I probably… could? we have all sorts of books from agnes nutter’s collection

**Sabrina** 🔮 @SSpellman  
 _@anathema_d_ did I just find a descendant of THE Agnes Nutter on twitter? awesome

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
 _@SSpellman_ another witch I’m guessing? n i c e

**monica** @moneyca  
like in harry potter? that shit is REAL?

**so fab(i)ulous** ✨ @baneofyourexistence  
of course it’s real

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
witches and warlocks are humans with enough demon blood to have powers, like, doesn’t everyone know that

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
no?

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
wait… am I a witch?

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
well, adam, you’re the antichrist, that’s… different. your dad’s an angel, right?

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
correct. my children are nephilim, not witches

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
so um. if crowley, a fallen archangel, had a child with a human, would they be a witch or a nephilim? theoretically ofc

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@uheardme_ you didn’t think I’d see this but I did ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) anywayy I haven’t risen as far as I know so theoretically, that’d be a witch/warlock. or a cambion as the official term goes

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
 _@TheDevilOfLA_ …childREN? u don’t have more do u

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@ellatheawesomestcsi_ the apocalypse only almost happened once. he doesn’t

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
well, only boys are eligible to be antichrists, aren’t they? it’s very sexist of the powers that be, but…

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
ಠ-ಠ ?

**Sabrina** 🔮 @SSpellman  
 _@TheDevilOfLA_ and now I found my FATHER?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
what

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
never mind. hello, sabrina

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
 _@SSpellman_ wait, who exactly are you?

**Sabrina** 🔮 @SSpellman  
 _@anathema_d_ just a witch from Greendale… who’s actually Lucifer’s daughter, so a Nephil I suppose? it’s complicated. I found out four years ago, there was this whole Thing with Lilith, some prophecies…

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
ah. typical :’)

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
 _@SSpellman_ you’re my sister then, I reckon! Hi, I’m Adam 👋

**Sabrina** 🔮 @SSpellman  
hi…?

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
awkward family reunions will be awkward

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
it can’t be more awkward than your mom being your girlfriend’s ex’s ex 😁😈 _@eveofeden_

**Sabrina** 🔮 @SSpellman  
isn’t LILITH your mom?

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
yep

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
this is a fucking rollercoaster

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
why are supernatural beings suddenly coming out in the 21st century. on bloody twitter

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
I think they’re being very brave and we should be SUPPORTIVE

**Connor** @28connor  
we are! I think it’s awesome

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I’m supportive of the decision not to invite any of this extended family to the wedding.

which is in TWO WEEK S

**farah** @princessaziz  
how did you even manage to plan a wedding in a month? lol

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
 _@princessaziz_ Miracles, dear girl, and the help of all the lovely people on the internet!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
we’d be screwed otherwise :p

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
We’re awfully incompetent.

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
I’ve got to ask. Do you even have a best man/maid of honour/whoever

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
 _@eve_moneypants_ nice name 😛 but yes, I’m crowley’s and _@anathema_d_ is aziraphale’s

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
are u seriously telling me that eve of eden is the serpent of eden’s maid of honor? skdnjsndjs no

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
despite what everyone thinks, we were FRIENDS

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
wild

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
to think that it all began with gay panic and ends with a wedding

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
The wedding is just the beginning :)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
and knowing myself it’ll end in gay panic too. or snake panic

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
snanic

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
jury’s out on whether that’ll be me or the humans, seeing as antoinette is our ring bearer :)

**abandon all hope** @vijayanand97  
you’re really devoted to the aesthetic

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I’m a demon, I’ve got standards to uphold. duh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep, I really do crossover all that can be crossoverable. btw, this version of _sabrina_ is less chilling and more _chill_ , seeing as it's a parallel universe where _this_ lucifer is her dad and therefore doesn't want her to be queen of hell or anything, or the covens to do stuff for him. they worship him from a distance, you know, and nick never got possessed, etc. etc. 
> 
> I also searched for when the events of caos actually took place and found that season 2 had to have been in 2015, hence the 4 years. fun fact: this would make sabrina the same age as anathema! also, I lowkey need a crossover where go!apocalypse happened in 1990 as it did in the book, and caos!apocalypse is apocalypse 2.0, with her as the second antichrist. like, why is that not a thing? because I checked. zero (0) crossovers with good omens there. shame.


	39. omg he's growing up

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
behold: proof that I care about our shared living space more than aziraphale does. I bought a robot hoover thingy that will mop up all the DUST he always allows to gather. not in my house  
[ _A photo of Crowley holding a Roomba and looking somewhat unimpressed._ ]

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
I’m guessing there’s a story there

**fluffy owl** @SarahMacDonald  
 _@TheDevilOfLA_ You’ve never been inside the bookshop have you

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
 _@SarahMacDonald_ no, clearly. I do live in la

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
oh my gooooood u bought a roomba

**gayvengers** @AceRavenclaw  
what are you gonna name it 👀

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@AceRavenclaw_ why would I name it anything?? it’s a hoover?

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
wait. do u, a demon of mischief, not know the LEGEND, stabby the roomba

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
no but I like the sound of that :))

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I FORBID YOU to attach knives to it, Crowley.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
://

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
colour me intrigued

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
yeah. u take a roomba. u tape a knife to it. u release it into the wild

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
crowley was right. there are things we’d never have thought of

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  


**farah** @princessaziz  
hey there, demons, want to do something about the Brexit situation still not being solved

**lord of files** @Dagon  
demons claimed to have started it, demons will do shit

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
claiMED??

**lord of files** @Dagon  
we know the bitch crowley lied in their reports

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
demons: will call u bitch but will also use correct pronouns. congrats, you’re better than some humans

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
respect

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
ummm it’s not my fault that they beat me to it! like u admitted not so long ago, I was right, they always do……

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
so all these delays n stuff isn’t ur fault?

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
oh please, they’re too comfortable in their lil cottage by the sea, doing nothing

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
excuse me anathema I am BUSY with all this WEDDING STUFF

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
that’s the kind of tone a guilty procrastinator would use

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
wrong. I finally convinced aziraphale to get a proper suit and I’m agitated by how good he looks in every single one of them while I’m here, sitting and watching 🤤

**✝️** **Gabriel** ✝️ @ArchangelGabriel  
Do convince him to buy them all and stop wearing those awful old clothes while you’re at it, won’t you, demon?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
not that I disagree (ugh I know), but I’d like to see a whole horde of demons try

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
I talked to my older witchy sister from America and we agree that a) infernal pets are much better than normal pets b) school sucks no matter where you are c) Lucifer is a bad parental figure and d) my book about pirates and dinosaurs and spaceships is brilliant

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
you have your priorities straight

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
hey, that happened to me once! the dinosaurs on a spaceship thing! there was even a sort of space pirate, and a hunter, and queen nefertiti!

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
 _@adventurer_13_ no, for real?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
 _@AdamYoung_ yeah! incredible, right?

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
 _@warlocking_ and you said it was stupid because it couldn’t be real, but it is real, so who’s stupid now?

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
um

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
what did I do to any of you? honestly, I’m not even there!

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
 _@TheDevilOfLA_ says u, about your father, literally all the time

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
 _@TheDevilOfLA_ Maybe that’s the problem, but it’s ok, we can do well on our own

**Sabrina** 🔮 @SSpellman  
 _@TheDevilOfLA_ _@AdamYoung_ yeah!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
between me and him, I’m glad lucifer took 95% of the daddy issues and so I can live mostly free with a yell at the ceiling every now and then

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
I’m glad he didn’t try to raise me himself

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
I’m glad crowley did. want to play fortnite with us again _@ajcrowley_?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
sure, it’s not like I have big responsibilities anyway

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I went back and bought more of the more… modern suits, and some less formal clothes too. I have to say they’re quite comfortable, actually, and 180 years has been the longest I’ve gone without a change of wardrobe since Rome…

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
show. me. 😱👀

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
you didn’t do it just because Gabriel said so, right, Uncle Aziraphale?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Oh, no, Adam, it’s been going on for a while now. I do actually notice things. And I also love proving Crowley wrong.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
you did. you did so much. and it’s weird even tho I see u change clothes every century or two. weirder than me suddenly buying a onesie. KHAKIS AND A SOFT BEIGE ELBOW PATCH CARDI???

**Q** @efficiencies  
really?

**abandon all hope** @vijayanand97  
 _@SarahMacDonald @transpowerrr_ LOOK

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
ooh I approve

**Connor** @28connor  
omg he’s growing up

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
can it be… stuffy old classic lit prof to sort of cool classic lit prof?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I was never a stuffy classic literature professor!

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
well obviously not but it’s the aesthetic u know, mr aziraphale

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
no, he’s lying, I saw one or two of his lectures at oxford back in the 1810s and he was definitely a stuffy one

**Wanda** @transpowerrr  
 _@tea_and_scones_ wait… you used to teach?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
 _@transpowerrr_ Oh, I did, but it was a long time ago. Although… I’ve been thinking about perhaps picking it up again, now that I have some time on my hands.

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
at MY university?? oh god that would be weird

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
 _@anathema_d_ u don’t even take lit classes but I DO sknjdsafa

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Well, we’ll see. Perhaps I might even persuade Crowley to put his PhDs to some use and join me 😇

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I told u it’s not a good idea, u know me and my mind! I go too fast and too far from the subject! I don’t like doing stuff I’m supposed to do! they’d hate me, angel

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t

**Proper** @PlantMum  
seconded

**fluffy owl** @SarahMacDonald  
As long as you don’t go into a snulk in front of people or give too much homework, you’re good. Academia needs more people like this tbh

**aesthetic** @coffeelove  
you’re immortal, u can tell people stuff no one would normally know :))

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
See? Times have changed, dear.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
ok hhhgn I’ll keep my options open but I’m not going ANYWHERE for at least a year after the wedding

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
What about the honeymoon?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
yes, obviously I’m going on the honeymoon 🙄

**monica** @moneyca  
ooh where

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
around the world in 80 days >:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> crowley: I’m not going ANYWHERE for at least a year after the wedding  
> me: you sure aren't :)
> 
> in other words, I deleted the meta joke this time, but here it is anyway. because a year after the wedding is literally NOW. 
> 
> also, I'd take aziraphale over my lit teacher any day. please. this version of him would even be capable of adapting to online academia... (and now I'm imagining crowley and him giving skype lectures from their living room... chaotically... yeah.) I love professor!AUs where they're still an angel and a demon but, y'know, professors, in case you couldn't tell.


	40. IT. IS. HERE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the final chapter. the longest one yet. but everything must end at some point.
> 
> now, due to popular demand, I'll probably be writing that bit of professors!au set in the present day too! not set in this universe, exactly, more as an au of an au. that'll delay the sequel a bit, but maybe by a week, not more than that. I'll post a link there afterwards :) and now, bookmark, subscribe to the series, anticipate more content! thanks for giving this fic so much love and keeping me going! you're amazing <3

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
mazikeen, my humans and I have arrived in england. how very rude of _@ajcrowley_ not to let us take the guest bedrooms in their house. we have to settle for a meagre b&b a few miles off.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
1) it’s been a month. do u really think we have guest bedrooms set up yet  
2) even if we did, I’m not letting the devil, a demon, two humans, and a child in the house for 3 days. the kind of chaos and lack of privacy that would result from that is too much even for someone like me

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
“it’s been a month. do u really think we have guest bedrooms set up yet” jsdhfdsfdsf mood

**josh** @pastaforlyfe  
holy hell the devils in england now

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
 _@pastaforlyfe_ if it makes you feel any better, I’m not a fan of quaint little villages and rural areas altogether, so I’ll be on my way back to la as soon as this brouhaha is over

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@TheDevilOfLA_ I can still uninvite you

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
 _@ajcrowley_ no you can’t :)

**monica** @moneyca  
ominous

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
they wouldn’t do that to beatrice and the band of children

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
dammit no I wouldn’t

**twink no. 5** @LukeBatkins  
omg omg the wedding is in two days!!!!

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
why am I more excited about this than any of the 3 royal weddings that happened during the 21 years of my life

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
 _@anitamamacita_ ikr??

**Wanda** @transpowerrr  
cos this is unique, weird, more personal & gay

**Proper** @PlantMum  
and doesn’t need our tax money

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Actually, Crowley is, deep down, royalty, even if they gave up the sort of power.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
thankssssss, angel. I’ve got to go practise walking in my platform shoes now, r o y a l l y, don’t go looking for me

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
platform shoes?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
to ease the burn of consecrated ground, obviously

**fluffy owl** @SarahMacDonald  
#WeddingGiftsForGuardianBeings was so successful I had to borrow my brother’s Land Rover to transport them all from _@azfellandco_bookshop_. Just, y’know. Kindness isn’t dead. People are amazing. That’s all.

**coffee & cake **@betty_oconnor  
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

**Amira** **✌** **️** @AwkwardAlienAmira  
amazing.

**geralt of rivia stan first** @tangerineprince  
like. what’s a bit of time and £15 when you can use it to thank an angel who’s been protecting us for millennia and his demonic spouse? maybe none of it is true, but who wouldn’t support nice lgbt people like us? or maybe it can return to us one day when we need it.

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
preach

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
kdnsjfbs IT. IS. HERE  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I’m marrying aziraphale. me. a demon. at a church. today. me, marrying aziraphale. it’s a useless human thing that doesn’t mean much to celestial beings but holy shite I’M MARRYING AZIRAPHALE  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
also for today I’m antonia j crowley and use she/her pronouns cos obviously c of e doesn’t do same-sex marriage. convenient shapeshifting will be convenient

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
only took 6000 years

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
yessssssssssss

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
I almost can’t believe it either. good luck yall

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
are you gonna livetweet the whole thing lol

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@haleyscometh_ no, that would be rude af. to everyone. we’ve got people who’ll film it for a reason. also I’ve gotta go,

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
 _@ajcrowley_ and I are officially married! There’s a… story, there, but I’ll leave that to darling Crowley. For now, we’re about to begin our small wedding reception!  
[ _A photo of conjoined hands, bearing a simple silver and golden band, respectively. Crowley’s nails are painted black._ ]

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
!!!

**aesthetic** @coffeelove  
bon appétit 🍰🍷

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
congrats, arseholes

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
a story??

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
that’s one way to put it

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
SO I THINK WE JUST GOT MARRIED BY GOD HERSELF I’M-  
  


 **lio rights** @kingblaidyd  
what

**lurker** @Noideasfornames  
god herself????

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
I’m--just gonna say it. OH MY GOD

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
*grabby hands* give us the stoRY

  
**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
so. okay, u know how weddings go. everyone was waiting at the altar and I walked down the aisle, alone, in my sexy long lacy black dress, so-so painlessly on the platform shoes. I was smirking the whole time, thinking, ‘oh, take THIS, god!’  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
note: no one was scared off by antoinette. sgt shadwell disapproved, but there was nothing he could do. also idk why we invited him, but apparently it’s the polite thing to do or something when his partner, madame tracy, was coming  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
anyway. I stood opposite aziraphale in his white tux, gorgeous as anything, and that’s when the vicar winked at me. I kid you not. she started talking and giving the classic speech and all. all the while I was staring at my almost HUSBAND and not minding it much  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
then I noticed that my feet stopped hurting altogether, as if someone just. unblessed the patch where I was standing?????? saved me from awkward hopping, that  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
then another weird thing happened. she didn’t use our human names, ‘ezra fell’ and ‘antonia crowley’. she said aziraphale and crowley. we were both like ??? but we exchanged our vows and rings like you do  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
but then. THEN she bloody said ‘by the power vested in me by ME I pronounce you married’. like that. WHAT THE FUCK, MOTHER????? then she went on about blessing our union, like, the AUDACITY? I came to the church to laugh in her face, bloody hell  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
but yeah. that’s how we got married. and god approved. SO SUCK IT @ HEAVEN & HELL

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
re: all of this: I was bloody shaken too and I think no cake, alcohol and sex in the world can make me forget that. because she talked to me afterwards

**✝️** **Gabriel** **✝️** **️** @ArchangelGabriel  
What. The. Fuck?

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
Why you?? Why doesn’t She talk to us anymore but then does this?

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung **  
**I don’t know, Aunt Michael, but she was nice. She gave me some ice cream and told me I was a smart young boy and that she was proud of me

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
what-

**charlie’s demons** @charliexxx  
wait y’all really talked to GOD

**Connor** @28connor  
twitter’s one thing, but…

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
holy shit

**panana** @ahsokaaaa  
god’s really out here blessing angel/demon marriage huh

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
so it’s the timeline god DIDN’T abandon

**san trancisco 🏳️‍🌈** @gayvibesonly  
fsnfjsbfh nice

**twink no. 5** @LukeBatkins  
“by the power vested in me by me” god has a sense of humour and boy it’s on point

**no 1 dumbass** @hela_spawn_of_loki  
what did the guests say to that tho?

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
They were a bit wild-eyed, but everyone knew, so it wasn’t a matter of disbelief, it was more a matter of shock. I was internally panicking too, mind. Still am a bit. But cake and alcohol did help me, unlike Lucifer, so I’m processing it.

**Q** @efficiencies  
all that divinity aside, was it weird to be married by one’s parent?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@efficiencies_ yes. yes, it was

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
ive decided that weddings are dumb. the food was great tho and I got to meet trixie in person. she’s cool for a girl. and at least I wasn’t the only american there

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
you’re not really American though. You’ve only been there once and everyone you know other than your parents is British

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
shuddup

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
We’ve never actually thanked you for all the lovely gifts that you sent us, or even made for us! They are wonderful. We appreciate the gesture immensely. Tears might have almost been shed when it came to the quilt by _@AwesomeQuilts_ …

**T** @AwesomeQuilts  
 _@tea_and_scones_ Oh my god, I’m so glad you like it! It’s been a pleasure.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
it wasn’t me crying, for the record, it was aziraphale

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
She’s not lying this time.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
THIS TI- you know what, I’ll let u have this one. we’re married and all now. love ya

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
we’ve been married for a day. after a night during which we DEFINITELY didn’t sleep and I changed my corporation around at least twice, I’m back to being a semi-functional being of demonic persuasion and no particular gender. didn’t become a snake. I call that a success  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
the actual snake of this household is napping on the kitchen table. we’re (well, aziraphale is) eating leftovers for breakfast. we’ve got rings. everything is peachy. so far. and tomorrow’s time to go on honeymoon, starting in paris and ending wherever, really.  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
80 days, 80 cities. that’s what we’ve got 🌍🌏🌎

**Sarah Buchstaber** @ClumsyElf  
Whose idea was it, anyway? The trip round the world?

**Clodo Baggins** @quality_rachni  
With the literary theme I’m betting it was Aziraphale

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
 _@ClumsyElf @quality_rachni_ There are places we haven’t visited for a millennium or three and we couldn’t decide where to go, so I suggested this, yes. Crowley was making faces at first, but I gave them a Look and they agreed 😊

**so fab(i)ulous** ✨ @baneofyourexistence  
 _@ajcrowley_ your husband’s got you wrapped around your finger

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@baneofyourexistence_ yep, he does. I never denied that. does yours, nephew dear

**so fab(i)ulous** ✨ @baneofyourexistence  
absolutely

**yasmuv** @LI4MDUNBAR  
iconic

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
i also promised photos so here goes Kiss ft. _@anathema_d @eveofeden_ and vicar god with an actual bloody halo that the camera somehow captured. I think she did it on purpose cos u can’t see aziraphale’s  
[ _A photo of exactly that._ ]

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
f

**oui** @TypeTape  
😍

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
I’m going to ignore that and just say that I ADORE your dress

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
wow Mr Aziraphale’s looking fancy!!

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
a white wedding, but in reverse

**monica** @moneyca  
my lesbian arse was right. crowley as a woman is Something Else

**bellarke is canon** @cheeryontop  
god’s a legend though

**lemon** @Laemon  
I mean… literally _@cheeryontop_

**God** @God  
:)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
what’s that MEAN

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
That all is well?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I mean we ended up married despite the rather rocky road so I’d bloody well say it is. still. ominous

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d **  
**have fun on your honeymoon, don’t get discorporated, and don’t forget u have powers and can teleport and stuff :)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
THAT WAS- more than once, yeah, good point. thanks. well, we’ve got to go. teleporting to france and all. ciao!

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
I think you mean ‘au revoir’, dear. For now!

**Author's Note:**

> **comments and kudos sustain me <3 **
> 
> you can find me on tumblr, either at @crowleyaj or @doctor-missy

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [someone lost their gays](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21745960) by [PrinceDork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceDork/pseuds/PrinceDork)




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